Monday, 18 August 2008

So long and thanks for all the fail

Well the 2007-2008 year was quite interesting, don't you think? We had nothing to match the chlorine gas leak - but they wouldn't dare pull a similar stunt so soon, then it's obvious they're trying to kill us all. However, BSF, general incompetence and modifications to the PD system made almost regular contributions to the overall epic fail of Temple Moor. All I'm here to say is - don't bother coming back (unless for laughs at "the good ol' days) and you can unsubscribe your RSS feeds.

When all's said and done - and it is - we had a pretty good run. For one thing, we didn't get shut down! We unveiled numerous obvious flaws with Temple Moor and these had very little effect, if any. We do like to think that some of our bitter rants got taken into consideration, but we are after all only a bunch of students, and the actual bunch of students with "power" (the School Council) never seem to get anything done, so we're on a par with official means, at least.

There will be no more posts on Templar Truths, not even when a major disaster strikes (as it inevitably will). However, all the posts currently on the site and in their current form will remain for as long as can host them. They shall be an archive of days gone by, for all to relive the pain and anguish of the blind leading the blindfolded. And of course, a record of the process of "building" a new school. Along with no new posts, there will also be no new comments - only members of the blog can do that, and we don't want to.

We hope you (pupils and teachers alike) enjoyed reading the 150-odd posts; we certainly enjoyed writing them, even if going through the school system felt like torture at times (literally, in the case of the infamous chlorine event).

Finally, remember this above all else: those in charge are rarely right about anything - and don't be afraid to tell them!

Templar Truths, perennial pain to the establishment, and immortal in its stance against stupidity, has been brought to you by The Three Rs.

Saturday, 7 June 2008

Spice of Life

Templar Truths has acquired this (exclusive) "e-flyer" for the upcoming variety show:
Classy stuff.

This year, the variety show is split up into three events: one for drama, one for dance and one for music. This, it must be said, is a great idea. Now you don't have to sit through amateur Shakespeares if all you want is a bit of Electric Umbrella. Similarly, if you don't like music, settle for an evening of energetic younglings leaping around the room.

It's running on consecutive nights (17th - 19th June) and tickets cost £3. Not a bad deal, really. Just think about it: TMHS Variety show has students trying to entertain and impress for £3, and then there's the recent Eurovision Song Contest which featured a bunch of pawns being used for international politics. Honestly, I know which I'd prefer.

We hope to offer reviews of the nights, but we can't guarantee it. If, on the other hand, you're definitely going to one of them, send us a review to No, please. All that inbox usually gets is offers from nice Nigerians.

Monday, 2 June 2008

Monthly Roundup

Not a great deal happened in May. Just an anniversary and the Year 11s leaving, only to return to do some tedious - yet vital - exams. Here's some stuff:
  • We have a forum! Or, more correctly, our affiliates/partners The 3 Rs have a forum. Because of Templar Truths content, it'll be strictly moderated. Especially when the teachers sign up! Very big link.
  • We've got a forum, don't you know? At - check it out!

Thursday, 22 May 2008

Newsletter V Us

The "April 2008" newsletter is clearly not. Not only was it distributed in May, but it even details events than happened in May (in the past tense) - so it was clearly not from April. Anyway, you know the drill of examining these things by now.

Summer Term
"talents of Temple Moor students once again take centre stage", "Variety Shows", "a pleasure to be a part of the Year 11 Prom", "I wish all students who are undertaking exams in Years 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 and 14 the best of luck"
The theme here is a quite a simple one: TMHS kids done good. And, despite the many disasters thrown at them, they have. Well done! You may notice in the news there's controversy over whether kids sit too many exams. Note the complete disregard in wishing six years of pupils good luck in their upcoming exams!

Key Dates
"an extra staff development day..."
Now that's good news. Unless you're in Year 11, because you'll be gone by that time.

Sixth Form Study Leave
"Year 12 study leave will commence at the end of school on Wednesday 14th May", "all Year 12 students will continue their studies until the examination results"
Does this make any sense?

RAG Analysis
"the successful implementation across the whole school", "up and running in every year group", "relatively few number of Red or Amber students", "a really positive impact", "here to stay"
Our dislike of the system is well known, but perhaps it does have some advantages. The real question is: does it have more advantages than previous systems? And another question I want answers to: why is the current trend to use the word "cohort"? "Red cohorts" sound like communists, "amber cohorts" are possibly those miners in Jurassic Park and "green cohorts" sound like environmentalists.

Study Leave
"following on from...RAG", "only be granted for those students on GREEN", "booster sessions and revision classes"
Amazingly, they haven't resorted to their favourite line: "it's a privilege, not a right". But that's compensated for by the random capitalisation of colours. It's just odd. Many students (well, those on Red and Amber) feel this approach is silly and while it might be useful, some people do just work better at home.

Year 11 Examination Information for Parents
If we're honest, there's nothing here we haven't heard before.

Stress Buster for Sixth Formers
"learn a smattering of conversational Italian in preparation for their holidays"
Italian lessons are "stress-busting"? I prefer relaxing things, but whatever...

"Attendance is a high priority at Temple Moor. Research suggests that students below 92% attendance, which is 17 missed days of schooling a year, will drop one full GCSE grade as a result of the number of lessons missed."
That's the entire article and it's absolutely pointless. It seems to only have been written so they could shoehorn in one of Temple Moor's favourite statistics.

Higher Education Entry 2009
"held on June 25th", "all year 12 students who intend to apply for university"
This - shock of shocks - is a sensible plan. Information that's useful for future life. Now, perhaps if this idea was spread school-wide...

Year 12 Induction Day
"July 1st", "all students progressing to sixth form in September are expected to attend"

A huh.

Lower School Rugby
"the [continued] development of an excellent standard of rugby league", "next season should be even bigger and better"

Well done to those in lower school who do brilliantly at rugby. Keep up the good work - someone's got to uphold the school's reputation.

Young Gifted and Talented (NAGTY) Day
"ten of our Young Gifted and Talented student cohort", "tremendously successful", "competed against 160 students"
The school does support its gifted and talented students...even if it does insist on "cohort"! Good luck to them all in their future involvement in this project.

Games Club
"why don't you join us on Monday's and Wednesday's [?]", "we play board games such as monopoly, scrabble and snakes and ladders"
Well it sounds like fun...even though you'll be stuck playing Monopoly till the next day comes. And what's going on with those random apostrophes for pluralising?

Year 11 Prom
"a memorable night", "girls' dresses were outstanding", "boys were very smart", "one of the best year 11 proms yet"

Indeed, we can report that the Year 11 Prom was a success and just about everyone enjoyed the night. Especially the tipsy teachers...

Super Learning Week
"focus for this year's Super Learning Week is 'Every Child Matters' ", "activities will be based on business and enterprise, citizenship, media and ICT"
How do those activities relate to the loose theme? What happened to weeks themed after lessons like Science and even PE? Where's "History Week" and "Geography Week"?

"more cricket teams than ever", "increasing popularity", "home matches at Whitkirk Cricket Club", "let's hope for the sun to shine"
Is cricket becoming more popular? If so, will it become a bigger part of PE? And have these plans been accommodated by BSF? It's doubtful, which is a shame - walking to Whitkirk Cricket Club wastes much time that could be spent cricketing.

The G O Bell Award
"prestigious event running once a year", "professional coaching workshops"
It seems Temple Moor was ahead of its time, predicting cricket's popularity fifty years back. And well done to this year's winner, Michael O'Brien.

Multi Skills Camp
"some people may think that the Easter holidays were for relaxing", "30 Gifted and Talented pupils from...feeder primary schools", "designed to develop psychomotor excellence", "all pupils enjoyed the experience"
Well that is what the Easter holidays are for! Doesn't "psychomotor" sound a bit like telekinesis? Newsflash: Temple Moor creating secret army of telekinetic students.

'Electric Umbrella' Claim Top Prize In Music Competition
"congratulations to Alex Walker, Matthew Walker and Jamie Stringer", "rock band 'Electric Umbrella' ", "a stunning performance demonstrating proficiency and musicianship", "walked away with the title", "small but faithful band of supporters"
I believe we've already covered the excellence of the Umbrella.

Summer Week of Performance
"after the success of the Summer Variety Show last year", "three on shows on successive nights", "tickets will be £3 for each performance"
Three separate shows for music, drama and dance is a brilliant idea - and it gets better if Electric Umbrella are performing. Three quid's not a bad price; so expect reviews.

A Level Art Exhibition
"to celebrate the outstanding work", "entry is free"
A-Level art pieces in an exhibition? How very cultured and possibly very good. So long as it's not an unmade bed or half a cow.

Friday, 16 May 2008

NEVER FORGET: one year on

It's May 16th (really, look at the date above this post's title!). Know what happened a year ago today? That's right - the great chlorine leak. Without that blunder, we writers would write less, the students would be only informed by newsletters and sporadic Tempo issues and the teacher staff might not worry about every wrong action being mercilessly ripped to pieces in public. In short, without the gas leak, you wouldn't be reading this blog.

But instead of looking back by 365 days (or 366, this year is a leap year, isn't it?), let's look back a whole lot longer - to the time of expert of prediction, Michel de Nostredame, commonly known as Nostradamus.

In the mid sixteenth century, Nostradamus wrote this:
And lo, in the Templar school,
In seven and thousands two,
Under a new man's rule,
In air, death will blow through.
Quatrain 47, Nostradamus

Did Nostradamus predict the chlorine leak? Did the staff ignore the blatant clues? Did everyone at BSF forget swimming pools use chlorine? Has the government covered up students' deaths? Is the new building a way to shamelessly hide Temple Moor's terrible past? Did that idea backfire stunningly? The answer to all of these is a clear and definite yes.

Monday, 12 May 2008

Bin and gone...

That is an atrociously bad pun for a title - I know. It's alike a red-top tabloid (there's a plan! Newspaper serialisation, anyone?).

Anyway, our beloved Titler bin has vanished! It seems the bin with the cleverly-rearranged letters has been banished. Why is this? There's numerous reasons why. Has the school realised it sounds a bit like "Hitler"? Do they now see it could be seen as an indicator that the school is fascist?
What doesn't make any sense, though, is swapping a big blue bin with Temple Moor branding for a generic square brown bin. Why do it? If we're honest, branded bins are quite professional - it's not cheap to stick your name on a bin (even if they are just letters with sticky backing).

Rumours of Titler moving to Poland are greatly exaggerated.

Sunday, 11 May 2008

Winners: not so rare at TMHS

Sorry for the lack of posts for about ten days, we've been busy. But we've got some very good news: even in places fraught with disaster (and chlorine gas), the good will always flourish. So before the school starts bragging, allow Templar Truths to award unofficial congratulations to Electric Umbrella.

"Uh...who?" I can almost hear you ask (if you don't already know). Made of three Templars (who we hear like this blog), this "funk/rock" band have recently won an award: winners of Intake High School's Battle of the Bands. They were up against five others in their category and were picked by three judges as the winners.

Because we like them at TT, here's the trio performing a cover version of The Undertones' Teenage Kicks:

In conclusion, well done not only to the talents of Electric Umbrella, but also to Temple Moor's Music department for supporting the band.

Wednesday, 30 April 2008

Monthly Roundup

It's not been a particularly busy month, but the National Union of Teachers, Classroom Assistants and Sex Educators (NUTCASE*) strike provided plenty to talk about. Here's the small bits of news we haven't mentioned:
  • Our latest poll has closed and it turns out that opinion is quite divided. We asked how the builders are doing and there's an equal split between "Yes - leave them alone!" and "Help, I'm choking". However, the overall majority has more negative votes than positive.
  • The social area had one its windows smashed.
  • Not really an exclusive or anything, but have a look at Temple Moor's staff having a football match against some Sixth Formers:

  • Good luck to Years 9, 11, 12 and 13 with their upcoming exams.
  • Year 11 have their prom tomorrow (that's Friday 2 May)
*Not actual name of the striking union.

Tuesday, 29 April 2008

All about the house system

This week sees more house assemblies as house leaders either congratulate their houses or tell them to hurry up and beat the current leaders. Since the system's appearance last year, we've wondered why and wondered exactly what it means for Temple Moor.

Already we have forms, so the house system wasn't implemented to group students together. What it does do, though, is provide easier competition throughout the school by a simple segmenting into quarters - never mind the eight forms and seven years, this method gives competitions an extra incentive and a simpler breakdown.

But what of the names? Clearly TMHS ditched the old house names - Manston, Scargill, Dunstan and DeLacy - for science-themed ones, because of the Science College status. The current houses - as you're no doubt aware - are Rigel, Capella, Sirius and Vega. Alright, so they're all named after stars - but why these ones? They are not the brightest stars in the sky (barring the Sun, Sirius is the brightest, followed by Canopus then Arcturus) and they're definitely not the closest (Alpha Centauri is a bit of a silly house name, though). So why these four random stars, two of which are technically binary systems*?

The colours are (according to Wikipedia) the same four as used in the old house system. However, this was botched this year by ties that are different shades of the colours - mostly looking hideous.

There's not a lot more to say about the house system - except last year's winners were Sirius. It's not another horrendous scheme, thank God, and it actually seems to be a good idea for competition, if nothing else. Let's hear what some students think:
  • "I don't think it really makes a difference to be honest"
  • "It's sh*t...we were fine before. If it's not broke. Don't fix it"
  • "hasn't really made any form of impact"
  • "Completly Rediculous And Pointless"
  • "pointless"
If you disagree with this post, or think those pupils' quotes are wrong, leave a comment or email us.

*Binary systems have two stars in them. For example, there's Capella A and Capella B. Sirius appears to be one star, but is actually two - imaginatively called Sirius A and Sirius B.

Saturday, 26 April 2008

Welcome to our future.

It's safe to say that for a while many people have said the world is going to pot, the older generation seem to reiterate this more frequently that some of us young 'uns do. Although you may just laugh off the 'When I was a wee lass' and 'Back in the good old days' surely you have noticed the underlying truths that they mention. It then begs the question, what is happening to us? Where are we going? and all other meaning of life esque questions.

Being only in the middle stages of my teenage years, it may be safe to say that I my life stretches out before me (touch wood, and by wood I mean a huge oak tree) that should be reassuring however, is it? Is it really? Can you squash the claims that inner city flats will not turn into crime ridden slums? Can you ignore the horrifying stories splattered across the papers, robbing, rape, murder? Can you say that there will be no more terrorism? Can you say you will be safe?

So being on the verge of the rest of my life, first GCSE exam on friday and having had a bumpy ride through school, i'd like to point this out.

I'm scared.

Wednesday, 23 April 2008

More P.E?

It's something that the PE staff never fail to remind us a regular basis; PE is important. It's not everyone's favourite lesson, but I'm willing to bet that quite a lot of students would prefer PE to, for example, Maths. It's not the worst lesson out there no matter what spin you try to put on it. It's a break from the mind-numbing tirade of spouted nonsense that irrefutably descends upon almost all other subjects, and there isn't a doubt in anyone's mind that it's good for you.

And it's also been reiterated by the same staff many, many times in the past school year that they are fighting tooth and nail to get more weekly PE time. It's one of the more popular subjects (to a lot of people), it's a great way to keep in shape, and it'd surely prove we are the "healthy school" we claim to be. Healthier school meals alone surely isn't going to keep you fit - you should also be excercising. So the point of my slightly incoherent ramblings is thus. Why does the school not increase weekly (or fortnightly) PE lessons?

Alright, it'd mean one other unlucky subject may fall an hour behind every week or fortnight, but PE should take priority. Your health is something you'll have to keep in check all of your life. But who cares, 20 years down the line, if your Art skills aren't perfect? Or whether you can remember a list of obscure enzymes or cloning techniques? Or that you can't recall how to calculate bizarre, highly advanced mathematical equations?

I know that none of those things are likely to effect me again in my life, and the same applies to most people. But fitness... that's something you can't ignore. You need to stay in shape, forbid you find yourself waking up one fateful morning, 50 years old, 25 stone, with a morbid odour and a foot blistering with gangreen. (Okay, slightly unlikely scenario, but plausible none the less.) It'd require some careful planning and discussion (put the kettle on and find your thinking caps people), but it'd be worth it in the long run. Especially if you ever find yourself running away from Chlorine Gas.

Friday, 18 April 2008

School Closure

Hopefully, we'll do a slightly better job of informing students about this than the school did.

On Thursday 24th, the school will be closed for students in Years 7 - 11 due to the NUT teachers strike. NUT, whilst it may be hilariously apt, is in fact the name of the union; not a remark about the teachers going on strike.

Whilst Sixth Form will still be, as far as we're aware, required to attend on this day, most of us will have a day to ourselves.

However, whilst on the matter, the school's means of informing it's pupils today was rather dire. Letters were sent around during the last period of today but, unfortunately, they apparently did not reach all classes. Meaning that some people left school today blissfully unaware of the strike. Luckily, Templar Truths is here to do it's duty to the pupils of this school and inform them in a way the school itself failed to do. To those who could potentially have gone through the weekend without knowing, and not been informed until next week, it's a bit too short notice. So please, Temple Moor - especially since this is nowhere near the first time you have failed to inform pupils of important information such as this - try to send letters around a few hours earlier. Maybe then, they'll be time for everyone to be informed.

So start making plans for your day off. Make the most of it, by Friday we return the bowels of hell.

Monday, 14 April 2008

The Real life "Ceiling Cat".

Now i've heard some fairly bizzare stories in temple moor, things that confuse and bewilder the mind but no story has ever made me laugh so much as the story of the real life "ceiling cat". Apparently a certain teacher was just getting into his room at about 7:30 when suddenly one of the ceiling panels came crashing down onto one of the desks, a seemingly normal accurance in the world of temple moor as they are always trying to kill us, however when this particular teacher went to see what the damage was, to his suprise what he found insted of a broken roof tile crumpled were some small child would be sat in about and hours time was a hissing, spitting cat. No work of a lie this cat was so angry it tried to jump back up into the roof hole. After many attemps of catching this cat, some other person im not sure who went and got a coat and threw it over the cat, grabbed it and took it outside. I dont know about you but i have this awesome mental image of a teacher wrestling with a cat like you would a crocodile...made me lol!!
I need to find this cat and give it a medal its really is the real life "ceiling cat".

Thursday, 10 April 2008


April 24 is a date of your diary (if you have a diary - surely you must have some sort of planner, regardless of how awful they might be...). NUT - a teaching union (but not the only one) - are getting its members to strike.

It's the first strike for twenty years, and is happening because the teachers are fed up with their pay. Apparently the government are stopping teachers' pay being affected by inflation. Unsurprisingly, they're not happy. You see, people want money if they're going to be subjected to chlorine gas.

But never mind what the teachers want. What does it mean for Temple Moor? Well, we've had a tip-off that about thirty staff are NUT members. This isn't a majority, but it's a fairly substantial amount. However, it's unlikely that Temple Moor will be shut (BSF disaster pending). So you can expect supply teachers to descend en masse.
Update: Apparently they can't hire lots of supply teachers. A day off is looking very likely indeed, which can only be good news.

Tuesday, 8 April 2008

2 + 2 = 5

Next week is going to be "maths focus week". Now, if you remember uniform focus week, you'll remember that for every lesson we got a stamp, which lead to plenty of credits all round.

But - and many will be thankful for this - we don't have maths every lesson. So instead, every maths stamp (with its new pi design, a huge improvement on the previous cross) will actually be worth a credit. That's big credit opportunities, but does anyone care?

During the uniform week, people had tucked-in shirts, ties done up and the like. The week after - which was the start of a new term - no-one had carried over this habit. The bribes don't work. Regardless, the maths department is (presumably) hoping this will lead to some sort of mathematics revolution with all children embracing the problems of Pythagoras or the trick of trigonometry. I have a feel that nothing of the sort will happen.

Incidentally, one teacher said we should all search YouTube for "maths songs". Well, in the interests of our readership, I did. Here's one that came up called "I Hate Maths". Enjoy:

Monday, 7 April 2008

Water fiasco!

We do love Yorkshire Water. They've only gone and cocked everything up - to BSF-esque standards. In fact, they've cut off the school's water supply.

Why? I don't know. Perhaps they want us all to die of dehydration. Perhaps it's a mercy killing? All we at Templar Truths know is that our school has been closed. And we couldn't be happier. It's all down to everyone's least favourite thing ever...Health and Safety. But this time the overprotective nannies of Britain have gone and secured us an earlier departure from the pits of hell.

However, we might be back tomorrow. If not, that's epic. If we are, then someone's actually gone and fixed it which is a bloody miracle!

Update: apparently it's all down to a burst pipe, an incident which occurred at half past eleven. Will this disaster (the latest in a seemingly never-ending series) impact on this month's poll on the builders? The BSF chaps need to start giving us money or they've not got a lot going for them in terms of support.

Sunday, 6 April 2008

Business as usual

Now school is set to recommence, after an unbearable two weeks away from our beloved establishment (cough), we just wish to remind you all that the blog is still going strong. Comprised mainly of elder school pupils (or are we?), there's not long left for us until Study Leave (for those of us lucky enough to get study leave). Meaning that, in a few week's time, we'll be gone, and will have nothing to blog about. So if we're going to keep the public up to date with the horror that can be life at our precious school, we're going to rely on your contributions. The email address, which you can find just down the page if you look, is .

And, since we don't have much longer, we're going to have to make the most. So for the remaining few weeks we have at the school, we're not going to miss a beat. Every time a teacher swears, a substitute finds himself way over his head, or the builders endanger all of our lives by puncturing a tank of poisonous gas, we'll be there to report on it. Yeah, we're sad, we know.

Oh, and since some of the teachers happen to have started forming guesses over precisely who is who on this blog... We thought we'd shake things up again. Who am I, Idle Idol? Or am I only one person? In fact, who is using which accounts at all? For that matter, do we still have the same contributors we had, say, a few months back? You work it out... if you can. Heck, who says I'm not a new member?

Or maybe I'm telling people this to confuse them and lead them in the wrong directions. All I can say is that we've had a behind the scenes shake up to protect our air of mystique. Enjoy.

Friday, 4 April 2008

Monthly Roundup

OK, it might be midway through Easter, but here are the small bits of information we haven't posted this month, but that may be of interest. Plus the latest poll results!
  • The overall winner of the 2009 production vote is Blues Brothers, with 19 votes of 61. High School Musical came second with 16 votes. Either the student body of TMHS are mental, or it's a joke. We hope it's the latter.
  • In case you hadn't noticed, we can now be accessed via - you can expect this URL to cause Internet Explorer to shut down by the time we're back at school.
  • In the last monthly roundup, you may remember that we ran a competition: submit a piece of writing and if it's the best, you get a permanent writing job on this blog. We received no contributions at all. So don't blame us if this blog languishes un-updated in cyberspace...
  • We did receive many emails from nice Nigerian men with $2,000,000 to give us. Happy days!
  • The Little Shop website is still up - and those "coming shortly" links still aren't there.
That's actually just about it - news has been slow this month. But here's that April Fool's gag we pulled in full:
Templar Truths has been acquired by Temple Moor High School and its staff, who wish to publish the following statement:

Templar Truths has been, and is, potentially damaging to our school. It has eroded the pride and reputability of Temple Moor as a scholarly institution. This can no longer be the case, our image has been unfairly defamed and branded as "epic fail" for too long now.

The writers have yet to be punished, but are likely to face expulsion for their devious crimes against our establishment. We hope you, their readers, now understand the true villainy of what was afoot here. We hope you realise that Temple Moor is a wonderful establishment.

It will take a while to undo the cyberspace damage of this weblog, so bear with us as we delete the previous posts, change the style of the blog and erase all the defamatory comments made. Thank you in advance for your support of Temple Moor.

Contribute: send us any tales of Easter school idiocy!

Saturday, 22 March 2008

Teacher Tribute

Frequent reader and commenter Melaisis would like to present readers with his guest written tribute to a recently-departed (as in, gone to another school, not dead or anything) teacher.

This entire post probably messes with Templar Truths’ policy of ‘no names!’, but it is hardly negative; I had the distinct pleasure to – along with 30 of my history-loving peers – be in Richard Crane’s last class at Temple Moor. I could go into the emotional specifics of how this marks the end of an era and now the school is set for a downward spiral of heartache and an even further decline in discipline. However, that would most likely ruin the point of what I’m attempting to say, especially if I got caught up in a pseudo-political rant into how the school ‘community’ is destined for demise within the next year or so. Instead, this post should be kept as a tribute to one of the finest teachers and leaders to pass through the doors to Temple Moor. It is worth noting that, as a parting gift, many members of the class contributed to a card which looked – to say the least – to be the epitome of campness; certainly a ‘queer’ souvenir of his time here, but certainly unforgettable. Here’s the ‘rap’, entitled ‘Ode to Richard’, I performed in the final five minutes of his lesson:

Dear Sir,
We know you like to think you’re Ben-Hur,
And your views on some things caused a stir,
But we’re sure you possess a sexy grr,
Anyway, to chat about madd thymes,
And to bust a few bare rhymes:
See, I respect you a lot,
Even we might not think you’re pretty hot;
We appreciate the talent you got,

You’re set for fame; we’re sure of that,
Though your jokes were lame; your arguments were phat,
You claim to be able to rock.
Its Sam’s manliness that you mock,
Your fascination with Buckingham* was rude,
Just like Giles and his bad-boy attitude,
Now you have a condom for when you’re in the mood**.

Sometimes we feel you tried too hard,
Now you can remember us through this cheap card,
Still, we thank your balding head,
Which is probably, right now, turning red?
Time to make a verse about the weather, instead!
With you gone it’ll be like rain,

Temple Moor will never be the same,
Sherriff, White, Daily and now Crane,
You should hang you head in shame,
But it’s the Year 9s who can take the blame;
Now you approach the final round of this game.

It’s a shame you had us last today,
But I guess you can get what I’m trying to say,
Although your list of admirers is a big queue,
We sure learned a lot from you,
But I hope you’re educated now,
Especially in the ways of Steven Seagal!

~MC Conny T/Melaisis 2k8, with thanks to Walker.

*A leading member of James I’s Parliament during the 17th Century.
**Yes, we sellotaped a condom to the inside of his card.

Indeed. Not quite as bizarre as this, mind.

Thursday, 20 March 2008

Newsletter V Us

It's that time again - the school have printed off a new newsletter. Is it a beacon of intelligent journalism, or thinly-disguised propaganda distributed to the masses? What do you think?

Spring Term
"fantastically successful spring term", "Little Shop of Horrors was an outstanding success", "our passion for Science", "witness to the horrors of genocide", "we [should] regularly check our sons' and daughters' phones", "new building is slowly taking form"
A successful term? At Temple Moor? That's right - an over-budget show (albeit a good one), kids getting caught with drugs, the awful PD Shop, destruction of parking's your average amazing term. Education about genocide, however, is a good thing, one which we can't fault. But the main outcry now is the suggestion that parents should snoop around kids' phones looking for "inappropriate images and video footage" - invasion of privacy, much?

Key Dates
"extra staff development day"
Four magic words right there.

"we pride ourselves on our standards", "it is often commented upon", "new house tie at the cost of £3.50"
No hoodies, patterned tights or too much make up. Seems sensible enough. About these ties, though. If, last year, you got one of the ties, chances are you'll end up paying for one of this year's ties, which look rubbish in comparison.

"a high priority", "a series of Deal Or No Deal assemblies", "£25 being award to one lucky student in each year group", "Deal Or No Deal will return", "research suggests that students with...17 missed days of schooling...will drop one full GCSE grade"
Attendance might be a high priority, but Deal Or No Deal shouldn't. Plus they're bringing those cringe-inducing assemblies back at some point, which should provide laughs all round. And this research - well, what can you say? 17 days off is a grade drop. But then again, you can distort statistics any way you like.

Year 11 Examination Information For Parents
"ensure your child is in full school uniform", "students can bring water into the exam"
Basically, this is a list of stuff you already knew - you must wear uniform, and you can bring in water being just two points.

Aim Higher
"Richard McCann, an established author (Just a Boy) gave a motivational presentation"
I'm confused - did Mr McCann write a book called Just A Boy or is he an author who is just a boy?

Auschwitz Holocaust Visit
"two of our 6th formers", "visit Auschwitz as part of the Lessons Learned from Auschwitz project", "will be featuring in further assemblies and an anti-bullying project"
As we've said, teaching about genocide is a good idea. However, saying "6th" instead of "sixth" looks a bit unprofessional - that's twice it's appeared in this newsletter.

Holocaust Survivor
"Mr Eugene a Holocaust survivor", "just 12...when he was taken to Auschwitz", "a very moving talk"
Again, a good thing.

Passport to University
"some of our Year 7 students will be visiting Leeds Metropolitan University"
Uhm...I can't think of anything to say about this. At all. Go Year 7?

Year 10 Stock Market Challenge
"group of our Year 10 Business Studies students took part in the inter-school stock market challenge", "used quick thinking decision making and enterprise skills", "achieved 2nd place"
We broke this news ages ago. Well done to them, anyway.

National Science & Engineering Week
"a great success", "Marty Jopson amazed us", "we strive to promote a passion for Science in all students"
I wasn't even aware of this special, themed week. But apparently the school's done lots of Sciencey stuff - they probably have to or they'll get their Science College status taken off them. More on Marty Jopson here.

Leeds book awards
"a mixture of fifteen students", "reading six short listed books", "students will vote", "check out the website"
So some kids went somewhere, read some books that might win Leeds Book Award and will vote. Plus you can find more details at - not a bad deal, eh?

"Christine McMahon excited and entranced Year 7", "students were transfixed", "each group...encouraged to make up their own story", "now a competition"
Stories were read, then written. A winner will be chosen by some mysterious selection process, with the possibility of a prize, but don't bet on it!

Year 7 Football Team
"reaching the last sixteen in the English Schools FA Cup", "semi-finals of the Leeds School Cup"
Seems like they're doing quite well, doesn't it? With no mention of any other teams, are they the only ones? Anyway, congratulations for representing your school better than it does itself.

"despite the building works", "Tchoukball Club", "very successful"
"ContinYou" is a pun that, if we're fair, needs to blasted with atomic weapons. Readers - is Tchoukball any good, at all? Email or comment, please.

PE Kit
"part of school uniform", "an increasing number of students who have incomplete PE kit", "they will be issued with a negative comment"
It seems like sensible action - if you're missing some kit, you'll get a comment. Presumably an organisational one. But why, unlike the ties mentioned earlier, can you not buy kit directly from the school?

Lost Property
"you wouldn't believe of the amount of PE kit which is left", "a lot of the kit we find is not named and so it usually ends up in the spare kit box"
So lots of PE kit left, and an increasing number of students with incomplete kit? Surely I'm not the only one to spot some obvious correlation between the two, am I? And lots of spare kit must be a good thing for those with incomplete kit anyway, so what's so bad about it?

Little Shop Of Horrors
"congratulations and very well done", "an outstanding success", "now in the process of planning our musical drama for 2009", "three summer variety shows"
Yes, well done to the actors and singers and back-stage crew. Yet I see no mention of the blown budget anywhere - how odd! Then, slyly, a plug for the upcoming variety shows - clever! Hopefully they'll show case lots of different talent, not just the usual singing and dancing numbers. As for next year's production, it's likely to be We Will Rock You, but make your (non-Disney) opinion "heard" with that sidebar poll. I'm secretly hoping for Spamalot.

Easter School - 2nd-4th April 2008
"once again running Easter School", "an opportunity for Year 11", "important time", "kick start their revision"
Easter's a holiday, right? School is a non-holiday thing. If you haven't spotted the gigantic problem here, please leave. Apparently revision needs to be done in-school, or it won't work.

Btec Fire Service Course
"six of our Year 10 students following the...course took part in a demonstration"
This is brilliant news! When we next have a fire alarm for real (perhaps when the builders discover fire?) we need not call the fire service!

Higher Education Fair
"Year 12 students who intend going to University should attend", "more information will follow"
It costs a fiver and might help you decide your non-TMHS education options. Go for it!

Sixth Form Ball
"reservations are being taken now"
Hurrah! "Sixth" as a word.

Gifted & Talented Activities in Technology
"Year 7 had two hours to design and make Blackpool Tower", "Year 8 had to design a bridge", "Year 9 designed swings", "we didn't win"
Hasn't Blackpool Tower already been made? Also, commiserations for not winning.

While it is the holidays now - until April 7th - keep checking back on the blog (or subscribe to the RSS feed), we might be posting some stuff.

Update: As of 23rd March, the newsletter still isn't available on the official website. Have they lapsed into their old ways of not updating?

Monday, 17 March 2008

Solar Powered Killing Sheep

The current trendy thing for any large establishment to do is go all eco-friendly and pro-environment. As a school with over a thousand pupils, who try to ram their morally righteous ideologies down pupils' throats, shouldn't Temple Moor be jumping on the green bandwagon?

Chances are you've done at least one cut-and-stick activity. What do you do with all the leftover paper that isn't stuck in your exercise book, never to be looked at again? You've thrown it all into the bin. Along with other general waste. There's no decent reason that Temple Moor shouldn't have two bins per classroom, one of which will house waste while the other gets paper to be recycled. It's a simple plan and surely not beyond even this school?

Also, why do teachers insist on leaving their SmartBoards on overnight? It's acceptable if it's between lessons - but overnight? That sucks energy from both the computer, the SmartBoard and the projector. Clever. Even if there's some half-decent reason why this is necessary, why can't the school install solar panels? Then they could generate their own energy supplies, if we're to believe science lessons.

Finally, BSF. The project to rebuild Temple Moor is woefully behind schedule last time we checked - is that a positive environmental influence? Hardly. And is the local climate enriched by chlorine? No, it's not. To combat this, an army of solar powered killing sheep should be set loose upon the building site. If no one dies, it will hopefully boost workers' motivation.

Come on Temple Moor. You've preached to us in Guidance - now show us you know what you're actually blathering on about.

Friday, 14 March 2008

Light, Fire & Illusion

When Temple Moor invites a mad scientist into its building, you might question their sensibility. But Dr Marty Jopson was here to demonstrate "light, fire and illusion". But was it the show worthy of a Science College, or was the whole thing a shambles? Our guest writer tells all.

Doctor Marty Jopson's Light fire and illusion show took place at 7:00pm on thursday night. The audience turned out to be surprisingly large; not that I'm challenging Marty Jopson's 'wealth of experience' or the very reasonable ticket price. Now to me the show was just, Okay. The reasons being that although, excluding the tedious explanations, the show was reasonably entertaining as the leaflet suggested, the show had one large problem; this being the audience. Not that i'm making any personal references toward certain people there, even the strange loud group of adults who laughed in short bursts at practically everything Marty did. I'm simply saying that the show tried to aim itself at a too larger variety of audience with clearly confused 5 year olds and patronised intelligent students and adults. Although Marty clearly knew alot (apart from indicating that light always travelling in straight lines is an indisputable fact, and 'proving' it by shining a dodgy laser pen through smoke) he was restricted by the ... less intellectual audience which meant I personally didn't learn a thing. However, the show was well worth the £1 and I'm sure many people were inspired by Marty while also learning a bit about light and how it is interpreted, even if it did run over 10 minutes.

Thursday, 13 March 2008

Review Day Review

In case you didn't get the memo, Parents' Evenings are rubbish - Review Day is where it's at.

The idea of Review Day is a simple one: instead of an hour chatting to ten different people, consolidate all of that information into a fifteen-minute chat with a form tutor. It saves everyone's time, except the form tutors, who have to be in school all day. However, it's not without some flaws.

For example, rooms. If your form tutor usually teaches and works in Languages, you don't expect them to be up in Maths, and you don't expect an English teacher to be sent to one of the huts. If everyone is in their own room, why the need for moving around?

There's also the issue of uniform. Anything involving more than having a tie around your neck is usually deemed a bit too much by many Templars. But when you're in school for about a quarter of an hour (sometimes less, sometimes more), why is uniform such a necessity? Does it really matter if you're wearing normal, casual clothes when you go and visit the school? Or is this someone's idea of punishment because we have the rest of the day off?

Year 11s weren't particularly amused, either. With few weeks left to go at school, and a Parents' Evening (shock horror!) recently gone, is there any need for a "review"? If there isn't, then Year 11s have been dragged in because normal lessons can't be on and no one wants to give them a day off.

Wednesday, 12 March 2008

RAG. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Fails.

Being on the RED cohort, as I have been since this ridiculous system was installed in school, I have been to most of the revision sessions there is science, art e.t.c. I appreciate that school are willing to help the ‘underachievers’ and so I attend all of the sessions that they want me to, or should I say the system dictates I must. However when I attend these sessions I find regularly that they are of little or of no use to me for one reason in particular. Multi-ability classes. When I have to sit there watching the hands on the clock move slower than traffic on a Friday listening to the teacher explain to the class things that are not relevant to my education I get slightly ticked off. I’m not slagging the people in the lower ability groups, I myself have many friends who are in the ‘B’ band, I’m just saying that when they’re not even sitting the same paper let alone tier as me it seems a bit pointless to mash us all together. The same applies with my lessons for several of my options. Being told by a teacher that we have to answer a set of questions. Fine. Being told by a teacher that we have to answer a set of a questions and then being forced to listen as she answers every single one. Humiliating. Patronising. Stupid.
I had a meeting the other week with a member of the Upper School Office team, a nice lady, she, like many others before her said the same thing to me. She wasn’t worried about me. Some people would take this as an insult but I fully understood what she meant. Unlike many of the people she had been meeting with my target grades were not below C, they were actually quite high.
Another incident occurred the other day as well. Whilst in a class of some of the brightest students in the year the teacher made the comment that ‘I don’t think that anyone in here would be underachieving in 5 or more subjects’ or something to that affect. Raises Hand.

Let’s break it down:
RED: 6 subjects
Amber: 4 subjects
Green: 1 subject.

To me this means that not only do I have to attend after school, I will not be allowed study leave this year. This apparently worked with excellent results last year. Having never talked to a Sixth Former who this applied to I can’t say whether it did or didn’t work, but it’s a bit late to start worrying about that. To become a member of the Amber cohort I would have to, in total, increase my grades by 9 grades i.e. to go from RED to AMBER in art I would have to move up from a B to an A which classes as an increase of 1 grade. Add it up across the board makes 9 grades like I said. In two months???? Not going to happen.Now even more ridiculous is the increase to go from RED to GREEN which totals up to be 19 grades altogether, I’m not even going to try. Why bother? For me I am pleased with my grades & consequently ignore the RAG system where possible, my parents are pleased with my grades and have told me that they are proud of me and that I shouldn’t let it bother me. I try not to. Everyone knows whether you have or haven’t been in year 11 that it is a time when immense pressure is placed on students. Imagine (or remember that). Now imagine (or remember) that with the fact hanging over your shoulders that you are UNDERACHIEVING and because you are UNDERACHIEVING you shall not receive not study leave, you, because you are UNDERACHIEVING shall attend revision sessions. Also as it has been hinted because you are UNDERACHIEVING you may not be allowed to attend the prom. Hell why not give me a RED armband and make me eat with people of the same cohort.

I'm passive, I don't get angry unless someone really annoys me.

For anyone else who is one RED these might come in handy:

Childline: 0800 11 11

The Market Place: 0113 2461659

If you can't remember then they're in the whit pages of your planner under the heading 'Useful Numbers & Sources Of Support'. I wonder why school felt that we would need these?

Saturday, 8 March 2008

Another Epic Fail

This wednesday, review day, shall waste some more of our precious time and effort for our form teachers to tell our parents how much we suck, but this post is not for the purpose of ranting endlessly in vain about how much of a waste it is, but to call to your attention, faithful readers, the epic fail of the upper school office staff that have organised the coursework catch-up sessions on said day, art coursework catch-up to be precise seen as though the art deadline was on friday...

Tuesday, 4 March 2008

USB Drives

They've got loads of names: USB sticks, memory sticks, flash drives, pen drives and the dodgy (but probably often true) "porn stick". But whatever you call them, Templars may soon be getting some of their very own.

Some IT students today got letters about the USB drives - the plan is to give GCSE students sticks with 1Gb of memory for just £3. This is actually quite impressively cheap, even by the low cost of many similar devices. This will allow students to take their work home with them - IT homework was always tricky to get to your home PC without waiting half the lesson for it to upload as an email attachment.

"Wait! Where has my overly-critical blog gone?" I hear you cry. Well we think this is a step in the right direction by the IT department (especially compared to previous IT woes). As far as we know - feel free to correct us if we're wrong, here - the letters have so far only been given to Year 11 students. Soon they'll be on study leave, and will then have an exam - the need for flash drive suddenly drops considerably. Unless you haven't finished your coursework by then, perhaps.

If this works - and it probably will - why don't Temple Moor give every Templar a pen drive? Actually, it's likely to be very expensive and at £3 each, they can't be making much profit on their porn sticks.

That's what it looks like.

Handily, it's got a strap thing so you can hang it round your neck (if you like to think it's jewellery). It's got no "lid", either, like some USB sticks do - so you don't have to worry about losing that. It's also small and looks like can withstand a reasonable amount of daily wear and tear.

But there's one truly awful thing about it. That logo. Bordering on levels of Olympics logo idiocy, they've ditched any sensible ideas - the school's logo, the Latin motto, Templar Truths sponsorship deals - and gone with a whole new, fugly design. With a rounded font you've got "TMHS" in blue (good idea) and "ICT" in red (not so obvious colour choice) - and it's all set against the backdrop of a turquoise splat. Are they trying to be funky and cool? Because it's really not working. However, apply a bit of nail varnish and it might come off, with a bit of luck.

Monday, 3 March 2008

National Year Of Reading

Whether it's film scripts or manga, sci fi or song lyrics, we want to get everyone reading more.
~Year of Reading website

Temple Moor is helping to boost the nation's passion for reading by partaking in the National Year Of Reading. Basically, throughout the year Temple Moor should encourage lots and lots of reading - unless of course it's this blog, which they'd probably prefer you to not read and deny its existence.

This is likely to be a role passed on to the English department, who already do things like...well...reading. But what can they actually do? Classes are preoccupied enough with Shakespeare, poems from different cultures, writing letters and other stuff - when will they be told to just read a book? I'll tell you - never.

Instead, Temple Moor will probably just say "go and read a book". This week they're giving out book tokens which subtract £1 from the price of any book in any bookshop. Just a pound. But that's got nothing to do with Year of Reading - it happens every year.

We're in March now and I've seen no signs - except today's announcement of book tokens - of any activities designed to boost reading. Grab a book in Guidance tomorrow and start reading. Chances are you'll be shouted at.

As a side-note, why aren't Temple Moor embracing other schemes? It's the International Year Of The Potato, but when were you last given an assembly on the food?

Saturday, 1 March 2008

Monthly Roundup

Only 29 days long is February - and that's only every four years. So has the longest version of the shortest month been any better than the rest? Here's news we haven't posted (and some very important news at the bottom!):
  • Our latest poll's findings are as thus: 69 people say the pigs are red, 25 think they're pink. So it's (un)official: the Pink Pigs just aren't.
  • Many people have been glad to receive Sixth Form acceptance letters. To those who did: well done.
  • Anonymous e-mail time:
    Dear Templar Truths,

    [We've] been doing some work for you on the Sixth From side of things. Two things:

    One, not so important, but the buliders cut the electricity to the sixth form center... idoits.

    And two, the far more interesting piece of news. Basically a couple of weeks ago, we all had to do mock exams in all our lessons. The teachers marked them, handed them in. Job done? Oh No. [One teacher] disreguarded the results and the teachers ahrd work, put the November mock grades (Which are much lower) as the Current Grades. Stupid enough for you? No? Well She then asked the teachers to change the predictive grades to higher to make it more "challenging" for thw pupils... Resulting in nearly half the sixth form having to go on study register. Study Register is instead of doing what you like in your free periods you get locked like animals in the Libary. Basically going againist rule 3(?) that we dont have to be there. The hipocracy is rife every where in the school.

    Good up the good work.
  • The school's encouraging Year 11s to go to Easter School. The only problem here is that it's Easter. And school. Two things which are usually separated by common sense...
  • Fire alarm incidents have gone down considerably recently - perhaps the builders have wrecked the system.
  • Languages rooms have helpful reminders like "have you turned off your PC and whiteboard?" for the teachers.
  • Some notes on the school website:
    i know there has been blogs about the website before but im bored and want to nag.

    • -why does the site need a google search bar?
    • parents info > planner > Please click on the link below to see a copy of the Parents' Year Planner 2007/2008: wheres the link?
    • "the new school reception" isn't exactly new
    • parents info > prospectus > Current prospectus is not available for downloading.
    then why is the page available?

    well, yeah thats all i got but it certainly did keep me occupied for a while. just felt taking the mick out of my favourite hell-whole on earth.
  • Melaisis, who often comments on this blog, has praised Tempo-Online for its denial of anonymous comments, which Templar Truths allows. So should comments from unknown people be allowed or denied by us? Post your the comments, ironically. It may become a poll.
Forgive the bold capitals, please.

Year 11 will, at some not-so-distant point in the future, be going on study leave. This affects pretty much every Templar Truths writer. "Oh no, where will I find my source of Temple Moor-based funny and informative news - that's only slightly biased?"

Well that's where you come in. If you think you're good enough to be a writer, then send us in an article by email. The rules:
  1. No names: pupils, teachers, your hamster. We don't write names at all very often.
  2. Temple Moor-related: that's pretty obvious. Apart from it has to be about TMHS, you've got free reign of topics.
  3. We'll look at every entry. Even ones from Tempo-Online writers.
  4. Deadline: March 31, so we can ready them all before the next monthly roundup, where the winner will be announced.
The best one gets theirs published on this site and a permanent writing gig here. What have you got to lose?

In the immortal words of the Looney Tunes:
That's all, folks!

Thursday, 28 February 2008

School Production 2009

Just a short supplement to the previous article on the Little Shop of Horrors (final night tonight, if you haven't seen it, I advise you buy the remaining few tickets on the door), and the rumour that High School Musical will soon be staining our eyes and ears in the form of a school play.

Whether this is the plan or not, we're not sure, but no matter what, please support our Blues Brothers 2009 Campaign. It's definately possible to recreate as a school production (schools have done it before), and it's both one of the best comedies and best musicals of all time. It's an ideal choice. So if you happen to have lessons with any of the staff involved in the productions, or if you just fancy backing our campaign to honour one of the best musicals of all time, please recommend it to them. If enough people show an interest, they can't turn us down.

Other possibilities brought forward by those often associated with the annual shows are Sweeny Todd and Rocky Horror - though, by all accounts, they could be construed as too gruesome, offensive or sexual to warrant a school play based on them; and a watered down version just wouldn't do the same.

So remember to show your support for our Blues Brothers 2009 campaign. If you haven't seen the film, go pick up a copy now. It's a legend of a film. Unlike a certain High School Musical...

Wednesday, 27 February 2008

Little Shop of Horrors

It's been mentionned here on numerous occasions, but now that the show has opened, it's only fair we devote a full article to the show. And we'll be as impartial as possible.

As writer Noodle previously wrote, the budget for the performance was blown on the flower alone; and after watching the show, it's easy to see why. Almost every scene saw a new, bigger plant introduced, resulting in it's final incarnation as the stage-dwarfing behemoth of fake foliage we saw by the end of the night. Whether it needed to be so massive, we're undecided (apparently it took 3/4 people inside the plant to lift it, making it appear to "speak" etc), but it certainly looked impressive. And though an odd one or two leaves has fallen off prior to the show, taking a bit of the sparkle from it, it still served to amuse the entire audience.

The rest of the stage looked mighty fine, and must've been a mammoth task to produce - including the inbuilt doors and shelves, and it never ceases to baffle quite where they obtained a dentist's chair.

The acting, in whole, was of a great standard - although, it must be noted, some of singing by the supporting cast was too quiet to make out. And certainly around the area in which one informant was sitting, it caused quite a stir amongst the crowd. It's only right to expect that not all of the cast would be immense singers, but at times it appeared they were mouthing but silent, which really did prevent the show reaching it's full potential. However, this may not be as much of an issue during the second and third nights of the show (tonight, and tomorrow), if those in question can try and work on it for the final shows.

All in all, whilst minor irritations did subtract from the atmosphere, it proved to be a great night for all, or at least the majority, of those in attendance. However, the school did seem slightly desperate to recoup some money of the back of the show; charging £5 for child's tickets and £7 for adults (though some people may not mind paying that ammount). It all depends on one's own perception, but to this "one"s perception, the cost was slightly overblown. Though feel free to disagree with me.

The website, which has already been discussed in passing, looks much less impressive however. Underpublicised, and rather bland, it certainly wouldn't have interested me to attend the show. So what, exactly, is it for? Nothing, we assume. Even now, with the final night only a day away, it has next to no content, and the "links" section is described as coming soon. The site will be obsolete by around 7pm tomorrow, how much sooner can it come?

All things considered, it's worth going to see. And whilst it's a bit late to convince you to attend tonight's performance in little over an hour, it's definately worth buying tickets at the door for tomorrow's final night showing. Not all Temple Moor shows have been this good, so we suggest you make the most. And whilst we're yet unsure what next year's play will be, we hope it can irradicate the nuisances in this year's show to make the subsequent one our best ever.

Thor: while this one was great, and we can hope next year's will be better (as F43L mentioned), do remember there's rumours floating around that the production will be High School Musical, the chirpy, happy Disney musical that's unreasonably popular. We will very likely boycott such a move.

Monday, 25 February 2008

Car Park

The builders are up to more of their evil ways in their latest endeavour. Because their equipment take up a lot of space, teachers have now lost their parking spots and are now forced to park outside of school.
Brown Cow pub and behind the C0-op are two popular car parks for the teachers. However I wouldn't be surprised if people even park in Temple Newsam.

So that's another fail under the builders' belts. We might have tally up the fails and see who has more. The school or the builders.

In other news their is a rumour of a Temple Moor related sex video on the Internet somewhere. At this time we can't confirm this is true but as one writer put it "It's damn hot!"

Maths trip for year 11s tomorrow. And even though the people at Tempo-online won't have a clue what we're on about, we're still going to blog about it tomorrow.

[Commenting disabled on this post because you're all horny teenagers. Apart from the staff. Also, please don't post senseless comments elsewhere or we'll turn off comments all together!]

Random collection of unrelated topics

It lacks the imaginative title of many of my previous articles, but in this instance, I feel the title is apt. This is nothing more than a random collection of unrelated topics. Starting with a rather ironic quote from a certain English Teacher (whom teaches both GCSE and A-level classes, as we are aware) - apparently, it should be "more wider". Rather poor grasp of the language from a teacher of the subject, is it not? And worse still, she didn't even attempt to correct herself. Did she not register her own mistake? That's even worse for a teacher. But all in all, it created a semi-humorous talking point for the next few minutes, so all is forgiven. We're not so mean after all, are we?

Moving on to a Year 11 History lesson, Templar Truths is aware that a torrent of racist abuse was hurled back and forth today - though neither of the "Jews" as they referred to each other were Jewish. As far as we know. It certainly wasn't meant in a joking manner, so besides the fact the two involved need to work on their insults, the other major matter at hand was precisely why the teacher of this lesson took such a long time to intervene. Is the school publically condoning racism now? Perhaps, perhaps not. It's not our place to say. But maybe we'll consider this for next week's poll?

And in a final topic, a certain Mathematics teacher has recently launched into multiple monologues on how the blog - yes, gasp, teachers have found out about us - is always so negative. So as a personal favour, we've seen fit to be a little more constructive in our next article about them. But since we have little to blog about on this occasion, let's just discuss the new stamp in the Maths department. It's... nice. Certainly the new Pi-shaped stamp is a lot more appropriate than the previous, dull as dishwater 'X' that would emblazon every planner it touched. However, we can't let the teacher in question got away scott-free. It has to be said that the new stamp has a much greater surface area (something they should know a lot about given their profession), and so it wastes more ink. But then again, the previous stamp wasted huge areas of blank space, meaning the excess ink was thrown away. I guess it's a no win situation. Prizes for anyone who can calculate which is more wasteful. Joking aside, yes, it is (as close as we'll find to) an improvement. So there you have it - we're not so cruel after all, are we?

And that's pretty much it. English errors, racism and maths stamps. Interesting, aren't they?

[Thanks to Atomfox for correcting a spelling mistake.]

Sunday, 24 February 2008

The PD Shop

Here's the reason we get those red pigs in our planners. The PD shop. When you can exchange your pig stamps for whatever is being sold.

They've taken this concept of rewards for getting rewards for doing good stuff and taken it to their own level. But what's it like? What does it sell? Why do you even care?

Walking into M4 - the classroom that becomes a PD store after Period 5 - you get a sense that it's all been FUBAR (a military acronym - if you don't know what it means, Google it). There's children lined up behind tables waving their planners around. Some people have just one pig, others have stupidly high amounts. Occasionally, they will be offered the chance to buy something. For one stamp, you can get three pens or pencils. Two stamps gets you a bit more, or possibly a maths kit. Remember: pigs mean prizes. Or something.

The other selling point is the raffle. Buy a ticket and be entered into the draw. For an iPod Shuffle. We've heard that the school has only procured this iPod because they didn't give it out in a past competition as a prize, even though they were supposed to.

The PD Shop is, as far as we know, currently closed until some later point in the year, when it will be open for "business" once again...

Saturday, 23 February 2008

Tempo Online

Don't be fooled by the title, this isn't about Temple Moor uploading issues of Tempo onto the web in PDF form - they haven't done that in ages. No, we're talking about the brand new blog Tempo-Online (odd hyphens are definitely cool, didn't you get the memo?).

"This is not a rip off of Templar Truths" they quickly assert under their title. The aim, though, is quite similar to Templar Truths' aim:
This isnt a copy of templar truths they are legend. we just thought that the current half-termly tempo magazine really is a bit shit so we thought hey lets start this up and you can write articles in for yourself with your name included or not w.e so jus email

We're legendary, apparently. But the real question: will they be?

Well their grammar and spelling isn't perfect - neither is our's, but we capitalise the first letter of sentences - and they only have two posts so far. One is their introduction, and the second is actually about the lack of fire alarms.

Currently, they're quite low on content, then. But even we took a while to evolve into the beast you see today. We'll have to give them a chance to see how well they develop, and we encourage you to do the same.

Why the need for another blog, anyway? What's wrong with this one? They explain in an email:
we feel that as we arent from your year (we r yr 10s) half of the time some of your posts dont make sense to us

Sorry to all of those who don't understand some of our posts - we hope you like the rest of our blog. And Tempo-Online are after some writers, so email them if you're in need of somewhere to vent your anger about TMHS.

Deputy "Principal" Interviews

Note that I still use quotation marks when using the term "Principal". In fact, forget it, I'll just continue to use the term headteacher. Curse the day I become an American.

So, on the Friday just gone, pupils were unceremoniously pulled out of lessons to attend mock lessons with potential deputy headteachers. What really bemused me was that Year 11s, with just months left ahead of their final exams, were pulled from crucial lessons to attend these sessions - many of us shall soon be taking exams that determine our futures. But why learn the material, when we could sit listening to a candidate who, quite frankly, brought many pupils to the point of cringing. As if being oblivious to the concept of a joke wasn't bad enough, they proceeded to try and force a continued smile when, deep down, they were surely feeling as miserable as we were.

That's one candidate you can knock off the list, Temple Moor. In fact, why don't you knock them all off, and just put one of us as deputy? The Templar Truths team are ideal candidates, any one of us. The majority of us have near-impeccable grammar and spelling, know exactly what pupils want (we ARE pupils) and probably have a better idea of how to run the school. Oh, and I dare say we're just as educated as some of the teachers already present at the school.

If all the candidates are this bad, just give up now. And please don't be so stupid as to pull Year 11s out of lessons that could well prove the difference-maker in our approaching exams. It's just ignorance.

Wednesday, 20 February 2008

Little Shop gets own site

There's just a handful of Temple Moor websites. The official one, the Wikipedia article and this blog. But now there's another officially sanctioned website - and it's to publicise Little Shop Of Horrors. is, currently, a large image - basically a digital version of the poster you can see around school. "Site opens: 18th Feb" declares the page. Today is the 20th Feb, so who knows when the site will have more stuff on it? It's all very nice and colourful - generally looking pretty good.

But there's still one question: why? It's most likely because the school has blown its budget (covered here by Templar Truths) and so they want to boost ticket sales to their maximum. Well, guys, if all you've got is a big picture then it's not likely to work.

Now, you don't think all we're going to do is praise, do you? The webpage title is "Little Shop Of Horror". Pardon me, but it's "Horrors" - there's many horrors, not just one. A look at the source code reveals this mistake is everywhere - in the description and keywords. "Tickets on sale from W3" it says - but if they're trying to attract a large audience, they might need more detail than that. Like where the school is.

Finally, if you hit Ctrl+A (for "select all"), you'll see tiny text with keywords - is Temple Moor trying to boost its Google PageRank by adding lots of keywords? Tut, tut. Would they like it if we appeared top of a Google search for "temple moor"? I doubt it. But what the hell...

Temple Moor, TMHS, Temple Moor High School Science College, Leeds, school, chlorine gas leak

Smoking Man adds:
Ironically enough, even though the school has gone to the trouble of sneaking in these keywords, googling "Temple Moor Little Shop" or "Temple Moor Little Shop of Horrors" brings us up as the first result! is not, in fact, on the front page at all. Way to fail guys!

Tuesday, 19 February 2008

Drugs Raid

Today, all year 11 Templars were told that they would be having a visit from a drugs dog who was going to see if it could catch anyone 'red handed', so to speak.

The first surprise was the dog. Most people were expecting this huge vicious alsation, that snarled and growled and was generally scary, but no. It was a cute, lovable spaniel, who, by all accounts, 'just sniffed people'.

The second surprise was, only seemingly random forms from each year were picked to have this 'opportunity' (or drug-bust, as we call it), after everybody had been sent a letter saying that this would happen to them.

The third, and possibly most humorous surprise, was that this drugs raid turned out to be a necessity for a certain pupil in year 10 who, after presumably receiving the same letter that everyone else got telling them the time and date of the drugs raid, thought it would be a fabulous idea to bring some cannabis into school. What a clever chappie (aka complete tool).

Also, in all seriousness, why did the school see fit to warn us of this? surely the idea is to catch people who do bring drugs in to school and make an example of them, not warn everyone of the exact date and time it would be taking place, thereby enabling people who would normally bring drugs to school (an intensely bad idea if a may add) to not bring them in! (apart from the tool in year 10, who is just foolish, or maybe toolish)

Turn up the Tempo

Only two days into the term and the school has unleashed its latest publication of the school magazine "Tempo".

This month edition boasts a front cover showing how brave templars are being made to slave away in the kitchen coming up with new ideas for school meals, however to me it would seem more like they're promoting international vegetarianism by the looks of the garden products on the table. I'm sure the current message on eating healthily is that you should be having a "balanced diet", but to the school this means that you are only allowed either vegetables or fruit. Also, it appears like they're trying to describe what they're making as fast food, "fast food wins fab four house points" is this some sort of joke or play on words, cause I don't really think wit is their strong point.

Turn the page and what does catch my attention is that of an article titled The Big Conversation, it describes recently how a group of year 9's made a video (complete with kaiser chief theme tune) for an entry into a national competition called (surprisingly) The Big Conversation. Well first congrats to the templars involved for being ranked in the top ten in the country...however, i must say the topic of your video was maybe slightly out of date. After all slavery was abolished a fair old while ago now.

Over the page once more and I find what i thought was some sort of bad art project printed in one of the articles, but no it is instead the London 2012 Olympic logo. The article (titled Young Ambassadors) details how two templars are helping to promote the Olympics. sport and healthy living, yeah cause the Olympics encourages healthy living. Many have already suffered epileptic fits from seeing the animated logo and there is no don't that countless athletes with be taking the customary performance enhancing drugs. Very healthy indeed.

One thing I do notice about pages 4 and 5 is that it seems the writers of tempo have adopted a policy of use alliteration and it makes you seem ten times smarter. Well that's not the case but there are some beauties in this issue such as, "Summer Sports Success" (unlucky for those with a lisp), "Street Smarts" (again with the S), "Trying for a Trophy" (not quite as impressive as the others as only the first and last words begin with T but a good attempt) and finally my personal favourite "Fast Food From Fab Four" now that really is almighty audacious alliterative accidence.

Now, a few little mentions now just to finish off with:
  • On page 6 it would appear the staff are improving their bilingual skills with such headlines as “Toulouse: Le Trek”
  • On page 7 it would appear that one poor templar has had to write an article about there self, although they do try and cover this up by speaking in third person, but I’m afraid there name was printed at the bottom of the article, unlucky.
  • On page 8 it mentions how the soul singers are now going out of school to do small shows. So now the school has resorted to busking in the streets to try and raise funds, for shame.
Finally, one quick check of the school website and it would appear there is no sign of the Tempo anywhere on site. The only thing that ever seems to get updated on there is the date in the top corner. See for yourself here. Last thing, you will notice on the logo of the Tempo magazine the "O" is leaning over, is this meant to depict how wrecked the school is? Decide for yourself.

Monday, 18 February 2008


The curriculum for English at GCSE level requires students to study texts which were written for different purposes, one such article was the 'Cannabis: Should it be legalised' extract from the Daily Express. The argument for no, it should not be leagalised, had many convincing points, it would, it's cannabis people. 'Without exception, everybody who regularly smoked dope lost their motivation to succeed.' After receiving several letters that declared in bold that I was on the red cohort overall, the first of these letters was received a week or so before I started my trial exams, the thing that, as so often drilled into year 11 students, 'would be the thing that would be relied on as evidence if a accident occurred which prevents the students from entering the exams come June'. Now we all know what confidence is and how school aims to increase a pupil's confidence with policies & activities, but a letter???? A week before crucial exams???? The second letter I didn't care about, the RAG system no longer exists in my mind apart from the fact that it means that I have to take part in extra-curricular activities nearly every day of the week. After having to do ludicrous things last year such as 3 hours of science resits in one sitting I have lost all faith in gaining relief from this depressing system which is 'under review'.
As a direct result I have lost motivation for science, which was dull to begin with, even my second favourite subject, Art, has lost appeal slightly as I only achieved an A for my trial exam, which I did not even complete, I was placed on the list for after school sessions due to the fact that I was two marks below it. Which begs the question is the RAG system school's new equivalent to cannabis and if it is should it be made illegal?

Deal or no deal?

Well, if you're at Temple Moor, definitely no deal.

The brilliant staff at temple moor thought it would be a wonderful idea to reward people for coming to school by holding a "deal or no deal" style assembly for every year. The idea being that everyone who was at school the whole week before half-term would have the chance to win some money, deal or no deal style. There would be "money" (in the form of HMV vouchers) in boxes ranging from 1p to £25 (a 1p HMV voucher? I'd love to see one of those) and one person would pick which boxes to open, while 10 others would stand behind the boxes and keep whatever was in their box. There was also a very retro phone which the 'banker' would 'ring up' and offer the person a 'deal'.

What actually happened was this: after severe technical difficulties, 11 people were picked at random, one to play the game and the others to open boxes, and were made (to their shock and humiliation) to stand up in front of the whole year and stand behind the boxes, while the 11th person (even more to their humiliation) had to pick what boxes to open. Halfway through, the host (fortunatly NOT Noel Edmonds) randomly picked up the phone saying "oohh the banker has an offer for you!", which was some obscure amount like £5.20 (for some reason), the picker rejected this humble offering and ruthlessly went on to walk away with something like 50p (in HMV vouchers?). In all a fairly lultastic amount of fail (as per usual at Temple Moor).

All we are trying to say is Temple Moor should not try to emulate a crappy TV show hosted by Noel Edmonds.

Friday, 8 February 2008

Is new building worth trouble?

Guest writer Zrawchs' previous post was a marathon of writing. Now a fully-fledged writing team member, is the new building worth its trouble?

New, expensive buildings for schools will always raise the question Is it all that neccessary?well personally i think the idiot who asks that question about our school needs serious help because clearly they have some sort of mental retartation!

The question they should be asking is in fact.. is it worth the trouble of having new buildings be built by the walking disaster that is the work force being payed to systematically try to kill us. I may seem a little harsh on the builders but please allow me to explain, there has been many an occasion in which their sheer stupidity has been blinding. For example i was quite happy walking around where art meets p.e, the site of ridiculasly expensive building 1 and they were using a crane to pull rolls of loft insulation onto the roof, sounds simple no? well they managed to drop one of those rolls off the crane sending it tumbling into the metal frame of the building and crashing to the floor in a heap of dust next to a group of rather scared looking work men, i know for a fact they are bloody heavy (the insulation not the builders, althought im sure there no bag of feathers) or another example when the art rooms flooded what did they see fit to do? well thats just it they did sweet F.A, and thats not to mention the wonderful demonstration of brains when they thought "oh look a chlorine tank, lets bust it open and see
what comes out..... oh no deadly gas who'd have thought?"

So i conclude that yes the new buildings are worth having but probably not worth the risk of having those half witted,
shovel happy builders around unless they start teaching "duck and cover" again in the classroom.

Bye bye budget

Introducing Templar Truths' brand new writer Noodle...

A few weeks past I was informed (by a reliable source) that the school, or at least the drama department has ridiculously blown its budget out of the metaphorical window. Apparently, the schools next production "Little Shop of Horrors" has broken the bank for the school. Although the show looks to have all the signs of a brilliant performance, the schools bank performance seems considerably less award worthy.

The story is that because the show is so high held in the performing circle it costs a lot of money to get the performing rights too, also some may know that within the show there is a large mechanical plant that has to be rented. I was informed that the school paid over £1000 for this one piece of equipment and apparently that's the cheapest it comes. The music departments yearly budget is around £2000, combine the cost with various other things needed for the show and the numbers get rather dizzying. Now, lets cast our minds back to one year gone by and to the last school production of "Bugsy Malone" (which i must was rather enjoyable) but to stay on topic this production also cost the school a fair old bit of money, a fair old bit of money that the school still need to pay out; around £200 of it.

So what does this tell us my fellow templars what does all this tell us. Well for a start the schools budgeting skills have a lot to be desired but also that the schools leading body doesn't believe it necessary to give the drama and music departments proper funding to make the show go as smoothly as possible, instead they believe it a better idea to under-fund them and cause panic and confusion to those who have enough of it putting up with actually trying to get the show done. It shows quite clearly how much certain pieces within the school are under valued, clearly the money doesn't go to anything worthwhile; lets face it the builders aren't exactly the cream of the crop, what is it now five fire bells in as many weeks as my fellow bloggers of pointed out.

I leave with this, my heart goes out to all those involved with the show as there's obviously a lot of pressure on you to do the best you can, under-funded or not I'm sure the show will be one of the best despite the schools plentiful slip ups. Good luck to you!

Burn, Baby Burn!

If only it would. Unfortunately, as I'm sure you're all aware, we've had 5 fire alarms in roughly as many weeks - not one of them being a genuine fire. Now we know some fires have been caused by construction work and so on, however, there is absolutely no excuse for the magnitude of false alarms we've seen over the past several weeks. It's simply stunning, and it leads one to believe that the school are entirely incompetant. Obviously they aren't deliberately sounding the alarm, but they're surely running out of excuses by now. In fact, yes they have; we're now blaming it on the P.E. Department once again. Or so it is rumoured.

As we revealed several weeks ago, one of the earlier alarms was caused by steam from the P.E. showers (confessed by a teacher), so how could P.E. have done it this time? Assuming they've done something about the utter fiasco that led to a shower of all things sending us surging out into the cold, how else could they have done it? A stary football knocking a builder off his perch onto a fire alarm mechanism? A P.E. teacher with a vengeance angrily putting his fist through the alarm? An elaborate ploy by a disgruntled headteacher to pin the blame on innocent P.E. advocates?

Lord knows how it's happened again, but it has. And if the fire alarm goes any more, I have a feeling it's going to turn into the famous story of the School that cried Fire. It went something like this;

A teacher stood around one day, looking after a herd of students who were happily grazing on a book of frustratingly tedious maths problems, when he decides to liven up the day by crying "Fire!". The fire engines come screeching in, as the teacher makes up a phony, obviously desperate excuse to get out of prosecution, pinning it on the P.E. Department. Well, the same thing happened week after week, until one day, annoyed beyond belief by the stupid staff, the fire department teamed up with a bitter group of pupils in one of the most harrowing massacres of modern history, leaving many staff dead or wounded. It's a sickening children's story, yes, but one that I just had to recount...