Friday, 30 November 2007

Monthly Roundup

While no one actually tried to re-enact Guy Fawkes' plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament with Temple Moor, November's still been an exciting month. Well, "exciting" might be the wrong word. But here's what's happened:
  • Thanks to all of you who voted in the poll. 38 votes where cast - 35 of which voted Templar Truths as the best source of TMHS news on the web. Two people voted for the official website and one person voted for Tempo magazine. Those three have now been locked up permanently in the asylum, and we'll continue to deliver non-biased news for you.
  • Reader Emily decided to email us about Children In Need - good work!
  • A new newsletter - containing little news but plenty of letters - has been released, expect a review soon!
  • Congratulations to all those Year 11s who completed their trial exams, especially those of you who did well but are failed by the flawed RAG analysis system
  • In one of our first posts - this one - we mentioned the Titler bin, and we later on promised to give you exclusive photos. Well, readers, that time is now. Why has the school not amended this pseudo-Nazi reference? Maybe because they're a fascist administration, too...
  • The school has started selling raincoats, mainly for those who partake in after-school sports clubs. The raincoats have the school logo...and cost a hugely ripping-off price of £25!
  • In further frugal news, Temple Moor charges 10p for ketchup sachets, which one pupil has told us is unfair. We agree.
Remember to email us your tales of TMHS woe or delight. But before you do, have a look where the Science College extra cash really got spent:

Tuesday, 27 November 2007

Liberal Fascism: it's the new black

Wander through Temple Moor. Go on. Because its students can't seem to handle walking around properly - mainly thanks to the cramped, not-at-all-big-enough corridors - the school has put up signs saying "Keep Left". At least, that's the official explanation...

But we at Templar Truths know the truth: it's there to persuade parents and other school visitors that the school is liberal and on the left of the political spectrum. However, every Templar (our word for student or pupil, not just us writers) can plainly see they're being taught in a fascist dictatorship.

So Temple Moor is doing one of two things:
  1. Creating Liberal Fascism, a new political ideology that mixes together liberal thoughts with fascism
  2. Disguising their fascism behind a liberal curtain

However, fascism has its advantages. Assemblies will be more interesting. We secretly filmed an assembly rehearsal and we think you'll agree - it's more dynamic and interesting than previous assemblies:

Monday, 26 November 2007

AQA Examinations.

Exams, the most crucial part of a students "career". However it is also the most boring and tediously exhausting part. So when that Exam finally finishes you get to go home, put your feet up and relax. Well not in Temple Moor.

Though we are partial to praise and it's always nice to be praised. There are some times when you simply can't be arsed. Last week and this week, year 11s and a few year 10s have been taking part in GCSE Mocks. And so far the end of every test, pupils have to sit an extra 10 minutes being told how good they are. Aren't you normally kept back for being bad?
The latest culprit being the headmaster (we refuse to call him principle) who gave us an unnecessary pat on the back.
We do however congratulate you if you have been taking an exam this week. Our congratulations is better as you're not being kept 10 minutes in a cold sports hall while waiting to go home.

Now onto the actual tests. The school doesn't appear to want to create its own tests for the mocks. Instead it decides to steal previous papers to use. However this means they usually contain subjects we haven't yet covered. This leads to some tests being annoyingly hard. However tests being too hard is not where AQA fail. No it's when they make the tests too easy. Resulting in the rather Epic Lulz.
An example of this is the IT paper pupils sat today. It was 1 hour 30 for foundation and 2 hour for Higher. However with these questions, it made little difference.
Most questions were multi choice. Tick what you thought was the correct statement. Pretty simple. But not as simple minded as the people who come up with the choices. One question was asking about RFIDs or Radio Frequency Identification Devices. Pretty tricky if you haven't done them yet like our class, unless you were lucky enough to make a comic about RFIDs as apart of your revision. However actual knowledge about RFIDs isn't needed when one of the choices face with is "If you get too many RFIDs together they will create an Evil Network".
Another question was talking about a mapping software called SeeEarth, which is not a total rip of GoogleEarth at all. The specific question was asking why Police couldn't use it to catch criminals. Of course the correct answer has to be "The Crooks might have umbrellas so can't be seen".

This isn't a plea for hard papers. Oh no no. We got a few laughs out of this IT one. But instead we'd like less Rubbish in the questions. And also we'd like questions that isn't rambling nonsense.

In summery: More laughs and less Rubbish in test papers please. And can we please go straight home after an exam. Not wait 10 Minutes.

On a final note to the AQA exam board. The school website can also be a source for 3 year old information like ours is.

Sunday, 25 November 2007

Muddy floors

The school that brought you chlorine gas attacks and epically slow computer networks now presents muddy floors. No, really.

The Sports Hall's floor is usually kept clean for those participating in sports. That's only when it's being used for sports, of course. Which is usually never. But this week, those in Year 11 taking mock trial exams might have noticed that the floor is covered in dirt and mud.

You see, BSF has blocked the Sports Hall entrance with its building of...whatever they're actually doing (gas chambers, we reckon). For exam-takers, this means they must go round the back. After exiting the gym and crossing muddy ground there, and then crossing muddy ground around the Sports Hall, everybody's shoes are caked in mud. This mud is then transferred onto the Sports Hall floor while wandering around trying to find one's seat. Then it manages to be rubbed into the floor while a bored pupil sits there, having finished half an hour early.

So why am I complaining about this? Because we're always told to take off our shoes/football boots/trainers when entering the Sports Hall - but now it's allowed to be ruined by dirt? "Ah, but we can't have pupils completing exams barefoot" says Temple Moor's (imaginary) spokesperson. Well then why don't you allow pupils to keep footwear on their feet for those awful standards assemblies or when they're coming in from PE?

Saturday, 24 November 2007

ONE of us isn't a sellout

I, personally, offer my most sincere, sincere apologies for the disgraceful, tear-inducing article about the school being run by aliens, posted by Belatu not long ago. The reason for it is that, apart from myself, every member of the blog is obscenely terrified that Temple Moor High School Science College will bring action against them for being part of a blog that fails to promote the school in the manner in which it would like.

I have assured the other bloggers that nothing will come of the school's (so far unconfirmed) warning. We don't even know for sure if the school are serious - but if they are, let me be the first to laugh out loud.

By posting the foolish, cringe-worthy article about aliens, which comes with a free poorly editted picture that makes me want to punch Belatu-Cadros, the rest of the blog believed we could escape threat. But - as I have pointed out so many times my voice is hoarse - the school have no course of action to take against us.

We are FULLY WITHIN OUR RIGHTS to post everything that we have - read the disclaimer, morons. We never claim that everything on the blog is entirely factual, and we maintain our right to exaggerate for comedic effect. But the outrageously wimpy article about aliens takes that to an extreme.

Temple Moor, if you REALLY do intend to take action, let us know immediately. I'll get a paramedic team on hand in case I laugh myself unconscious.

ONE of us is NOT a sellout. That one would be me.

And if anyone removes this article, then not only has the blog lost it's only sense-seeing writer, but a full list of names of those involved may find itself to Fleety's office. NOW you have a reason to worry. SO LEAVE THIS ARTICLE.

Thor (not really the Norse god) would like to agree with the above statement.

Make that three: Smoking Man (really, him off The X-Files) wants to add his name to non-sellouting.

Belatu-Cadros (Who?) would like to note that the Aliens post was, however linked with the schools knowledge of the blog, would like to state that the intentions for the actual post are not the same as the ones stated above. He appologies for any confusion it may have caused however as one of the Blog Admins, he'd like posts like this ran through him first.
Templar truths will continue to write the truth.

Friday, 23 November 2007

Temple Moor in graphs

Graphs are a visual way to represent data. They are easier to understand and better equipped at displaying information than tables or blocks of text. And they look rather professional and scientific. So here's Temple Moor, presented in graph format.

Wednesday, 21 November 2007

What we really want from BSF

So our school is being mutilated as it's reinvented, costing us valuable space. The sound is atrocious, too. In fact, the only good things are that the end result might be good and it gives the Templar Truths staff something to write about. So if billions are being spent making our school "ready for the 21st Century", what do pupils really want?

Because the school doesn't care, here's what pupils really want (all real suggestions):
  • Better music and art facilities
  • A school network that actually works
  • A proper auditorium
    • That will be used as a stage for, say, Little Shop of Horrors
    • Proper lighting rigs
  • Clean toilets
  • A Greggs bakery
  • A lift
  • A "kissing corner" (because some people really do need to get a room)
  • A cinema (no, really - it'd keep pupils amused, wouldn't it? It may even make assemblies less boring)
If you're reading, BSF builders, maybe add these to the plans? We'd love you.

Anything we've missed that you'd like to see? Comments please.

Tuesday, 20 November 2007

All about BSF

Not to be confused with BSE (Mad Cow Disease), though that surely can't be far off the school agenda...

BSF stands for Building Schools for the Future (not Bible Studies Fellowship) and it's a government plan to rebuild nearly every school up and down the country. It will bring said schools right into the 21st Century, modernising them and making them a much better learning environment.

If only.

While the end result may be something that looks very modern (read: "like a new shopping centre without shops") and have large open spaces, the road there is a long and troubled one. Pouring billions of pounds into a project doesn't mean it'll work smoothly. In fact, the current state of Temple Moor is a very bad one for pupils and staff alike. PE fields have been cut down, so the two indoor spaces - the Sports Hall and gym - would be packed, wouldn't you think? Not so. The gym's been knocked down and the Sports Hall is used mainly for exams. Why not just take PE off the timetable? Oh that's right...every child's getting fat. The statistics say so.

Education Leeds says Temple Moor is a "Phase One" school - which we think means it's one of the first to be completed...if it's all on schedule, which it isn't. And to make matters worse, The Times says the whole BSF project ignores the most frequently preached and holiest message to the youth of today: environmental friendliness. Clever, huh?

BSF: a brilliant idea to enhance the school or an utter shambles? Post your opinion in the comments.

Breaking News!

That's right. Templar Truths, your source for the truth behind Temple Moor, has discovered a dark secret about the school. Now this may shock, scare or even disturb you. So those with a week heart are advised to close the Internet window down!

The school is over run by Aliens!

Many of you will probably be shocked to hear this. But no doubt a few will not believe us. So let us explain. On the 16th of May, 2007. We were all meant to believe that a Chlorine tank had burst. Well that part is true. However it was not the builders who burst it. It was an Alien space ship.Here is a photo taken a few hours after the landing.

For many years, the teachers of Temple Moor have been members of a mad cult known as Pauperes commilitones Christi Templique Solomonici. Or simply, the Knights Templar. Thought dead, the Knights Templar have spent the last 600 years contacting an ancient race that holds the knowledge of all religion as we know it, or so the Templars say.

They are actually out to steal our planet with plans smiler to that of the Aliens in Independence Day. These Aliens come from an established colony they have built in the Oort cloud. They do not eat flesh nor have any other need for us but for Slaves. And with the dimwitted Templars running the school, these Aliens now run amok about the school at night. Planning their attack. By Day however they take the form of pupils.

So beware. If you find one of these Aliens avoid them. They are masters of hypnosis. And don't worry about their imminent attack. A contact has revealed their sign is a second chlorine leak. So when that happens, be ready!

Monday, 19 November 2007

You call that a fight?

"shak v danni" - a Temple Moor fight on YouTube

The above video - uploaded by liss1994 - depicts "shak nd danni avin a fight". With an audience dressed in PE uniform and a mobile phone with video capability ready to capture the action, the stage is set...for this fight. Punches are thrown, legs are kicked out and a lot of other stuff happens. But why? What's the point? While fighting might solve some of the world's problems - it got rid of Hitler, didn't it? - this one seems to be pointless. And even if there is a point, the audience is left wondering what this point is.

But the real question is: where's the teacher? Generally with Temple Moor fights, a small crowd gathers, which causes dozens of people from all year groups to flock to one area. Everyone's screaming "fight" and the crowd is massive, then a teacher comes along. Usually, no-one's hit anyone else - it's just a crowd-drawing ploy and nothing happens.

But when there's a real fight - assuming the YouTube footage isn't faked (what sort of fight begins "go on, then, go on" from a spectator?) - the teachers seem to be oblivious.

Oh, and to anyone thinking of fighting and putting it on Temple Moor, this is how you do it:

Thursday, 15 November 2007

Network Failure

Isn't it great when a school runs a fast network capable of transferring files quickly and easily? well, it might be, but as we go to temple moor, we have no access to such a privileged thing.

we were in IT today, and we were trying to put videos into a website we've been creating over the last few weeks, a simple task, one would assume. All we had to do was copy the videos to our user area, then use something called "Serif WebPlus 10" (more on that in a later blog) to add the videos to our website. Like i said, simple. Alas, no. Each user area has a size limit of 40mb imposed on it meaning, because of the file sizes of some of these videos - the largest one was 68mb, and there was about 5-7 videos - it caused us to go over the allocated limit by 200mb. This caused a major strain on the network, as did all the file transfers going on, leading to the entire student network grinding to a painfully slow halt. Simple operations such as clicking a button took upwards of 10 minutes, and this wasn't just affecting our ICT class. School wide, the network ground to a halt.

We spoke to an IT teacher, and he said "The network just can't cope with what we need to do."
Temple Moor is hoping to upgrade the network if when the BSF project is ever has finished

Wednesday, 14 November 2007

Non-Uniform Day Cancelled

UPDATE: At the end of the year, the form with the most credits (once negative comments have been subtracted) will get their own non-uniform day. But with the troubled PD system, this is hardly fair. Also, if students bring in 20p tomorrow, break will be extended by ten minutes. This works out at £54 per extra minute, just for those in year 11. This amount of money is ridiculous! While it does go to charity, the "prize" of donation is measly for what's being asked.

It's a day students of Temple Moor rejoice in. The day when you can leave that house tie, jumper and drab grey trousers at home, and wear whatever you like (within reason, of course). Usually a non-uniform day coincides with Children In Need. Not this year. The TMHS powers that be have seen fit to cancel non-uniform day.

Standards, they say, are slipping. We don't pick up our litter, we don't show respect to teachers and our behaviour would shame prison convicts. And the punishment they've dreamt up is making us wear uniform. And the students are, well, outraged at this decision. And let's be honest here, it's not hard to see why.

Every year there's a non-uniform day. We donate money which goes to the charitable cause of Children In Need, so we can all sleep easy that night knowing we've helped some children somewhere. This year, however we won't. We've been denied that simple ritual, and we're quite right to be shocked.

But don't worry. We've heard that pupils can still bring in money and it'll count. The form which raises the most money will get their own private non-uniform day. Is the school thinking this will work? People won't pay to stay in uniform, only to be reconciled at a later date. Similarly, people won't want to donate in case their form doesn't win - they'll have paid and won't even get a non-uniform day. One teacher was asked about the move to cancel non-uniform, and used the words "mean" and "horrible".

Temple Moor seems to think bad behaviour can be dealt with via punishment. It very well might do. But equally, it could make the pupils behave worse...

Tuesday, 13 November 2007

Children in Need? It's this Friday?!?

As many wont remember, this Friday is Children in Need. And normally at children in need we all come in non-uniform. But aren't we told we're having non-uniform first? Yes, but that hasn't happened this year. Has the school forgot its (small) heart and is refusing to take part in this charitable event? I bet they just forgot. But who knows. Under the new Americanised regime, Children in Need could be abolished.

If you have any news on children in need at the school, e-mail us.

No uniform on Fridays I hope :D

Thursday, 8 November 2007

Post-16 Education Evening

Here's what Templar writers and pupils have to say about Post-16 Education Evening:
  • Why isn't it called "Sixth Form Opening Evening", which would be more adequate?
  • The heating was immense
  • Every subject seemed to be packed into the Drama Studio or W1, which meant huge crowds shuffling around
  • The prospectus' introduction was accredited to "R Sherriff, Headteacher". We know the school's into recycling, but this is a bit much!
  • It was bloody hot in there
  • Revelations about one teacher beating pupils - was it mere joking?
  • Subject teachers had a tendency to grab you and shove leaflets in your hands, while explaining why their subject is perfect for all your other choices
  • To cool down, one needed to remove their skin (and buy a fan)
  • Temple Moor is partnered with Brigshaw, but pick Temple Moor, it's ever so great!
  • Mr Fleetwood admitted that he'd probably make up good things, but did say Oftsed marked the school's Sixth Form as "good". Hardly brilliant, then?
  • Because of so many courses for those who maybe aren't so good at getting GCSEs, there's course which mean you could stay there until Year 15 (which they've just invented)
  • You could go to the Sahara at noon and be cooler
  • Some pupils found it "informative"
  • Low-income households (less than £30,000ish per year) mean pupils get £30 a week, or, as we like to call it, free money!
In short, it was a pro-TMHS marathon, with teachers persuading kids to take their courses. And it was a bit warm, too.

Tuesday, 6 November 2007

Pupils to get a say in school's running

Today it was revealed to some forms and all school council members that pupils are going to be given a chance to have a say in part of the school. For once, we at Templar Truths like this idea. It's brilliant to give the kids - who are the people who really matter at Temple Moor - a say in what goes on. After all, they're the ones who deal with it.

But there's a downside. Pupils will (or in some cases already have) vote for which area needs most attention from the students. There's seven choices:
  1. New build's layout, social areas, and stuff like that
  2. New ICT technology
  3. Lessons and teaching
  4. Healthy school meals
  5. House competitions
  6. PD system
  7. Bullying
Clearly what's most important here is the new build - we don't want to pass up the opportunity to say how our school's physical aspects should be - and the atrocious, flawed PD system. If enough sane pupils opt for voicing opinion on the PD system, perhaps we won't have to suffer under its idiocy.

Whether or not student ideas will be listened to is another matter entirely.

Friday, 2 November 2007

Monthly Roundup

October's been a fairly quiet Templar month, but we have had a week-long holiday. Here's some stuff that's also been happening:
  • Nearly all those who voted reckon that the school's infamous chlorine gas explosion was caused by a stupid builder.
  • The second-most popular theory behind the gas attack was conspiracy by the headmaster.
  • Our email inbox has been spam. Mohamed Ibrahim, for example, wants to give us lots of money, apparently. However, he's unreliable. Please start sending in your Templar truths, or we might just forget the email address.
  • One pupil was told he'd have to pay up 30p for a new exercise book after doing a small doodle in his new one. Thus far, he's not had to pay for this outrageous idiocy.
  • Temple Moor's self-billed "sxc super heros" are on YouTube, singing. Take a look:

    Now you've seen it, ask yourself: what? Clearly there's no singing talent and it's giving the pupils of Temple Moor a bad name. It's absolutely atrocious stuff. We want videos of chlorine gas leaks and Temple Moor farces, not students singing badly.
Please send us your tales of Temple Moor lunacy, idiocy or even brilliance. The email address is, and we'd love to hear your stories, which we'll put in the next monthly roundup.