Monthly Roundup & Merry Christmas!

While the writing staff go and have wild Christmas presents and take wrapping paper off gifts like rabid dogs, you'll have to endure a no-more-news blog at Templar Truths. But luckily, school's out (for winter!), so your chances of being gassed are minimal.

Christmas seems to be a great time for Fleetwood news:

• It was rumoured that Mr Martin Fleetwood - our beloved headteacher - and other senior staff members, would be prowling school during Period 4, ensuring no one was having fun. We don't know if this really happened, but it didn't stop our teachers.
• Mr Fleetwood's Rewards Assembly speech for Year 11 was rubbish and made funny only by his strange laugh.
• In other Fleetwood news, we heard he told someone off for wearing tinsel in their hair on Thursday because it wasn't the last day of school. Amazingly, we can believe that.
  

Amazingly, one student has got their own album coming out...

While other Templars are content with running into furniture.

Basically, then, merry Christmas, happy new year and send any Temple Moor news to the usual address.

Teachers & Other Excrement

We've had two nice emails from a reader with his/her own words to say (spelling, punctuation and grammar left as it was, names and obvious allusions to character removed):

I for one feel appauled at the new promotion of one [teacher]. Not only is she incapable of teaching her main subject, she also teaches unlucky pupils in [other subjects] despite NOT having the qualifications. If you have been unlucky enough to have her already, you'll know where im coming from here Templars. So you can imagine my instant reaction when I THEN discovered [the teacher had] been promoted to [a senior post]. Whoever is pulling the strings at Temple Moor really needs shooting, or injected with cancer. Because its fairly obviously "laid-back fleety" aint running the school. He looks like he cant manage to put on his own underwear half the time, so somethings going on.

The point is ANY school that has her in charge [of people] is obviously a flying pile of turd. If Temp M thinks that they can control terrible attendance levels via this new appointment, then thats just too funny.

If that makes for awkward reading then sorry, but we don't mention teacher's names. However, we whole-heartedly agree. But wait, there's more from this reader (again, slightly edited, but this time it's not so obvious):

Can you please, PLEASE have an article on the "Temple Moor Serial Sh*tter". If you remember there was a certain someone who repeatedly stormed the boys toilets and took a number 2 all the way round the rimm of the seat. For weeks everyone speculated who the culprit really was, and it became so widespead that even the lower years became involved in the hunt.

Now it is simply disgusting for there to be a sole person who feels the need to attack our already absolutely urine-filled toilets, with there turds, but it's some poor student out there, obviously along with his bladder problems.

I am appauled to report that as of December 2007, the "Serial Sh*tter" seems to have returned once more. Please alert your readers to be on the look out, as recently various people have reported that the vile rimmings have returned. This time, the "Serial Sh*tter" will NOT go unnamed! The hunt is on. Only something as ridiculous as this situation would happen at Temple Moor.

Wait, people use school toilets? Brave chaps, indeed. Anyway, if you have news about the Serial Sh*tter or anything else, you can contact us at templemoorhighblog@hotmail.co.uk - we're waiting.

Where do you stand?

If there's a fire, a fire drill or a mysterious chlorine gas leak, it's vitally important you drop everything (except trousers) and rush outside. It might just save your life.

But only if you know where to stand. Brilliantly, the school puts everyone by the sports hall and gate. However, the old, currently dis-used car park has now got signs for Key Stage 3 forms there.

So what's the problem? They're the same signs used by the school to denote where to stand in a fire drill, fire or mysterious chlorine gas leak. So if you're in Key Stage 3, avoid the confusion: stay inside, stay inside and burn to death, be gassed.

Do your tie up!

Another Standards Assembly today. This one's topic? Uniform.

Because no one tucks their shirts or does up their tie (apparently), the school is solving the problem the only way it knows how: bribery. Not even decent bribery, though. Stamps.

You see, next week is Focused Uniform Correction Karma* time. For each lesson - including registration - you'll get a stamp. That's two credits every day. The potential for ten credits in just one week. Wow. Amazing, isn't it?

You've got to admit, when it comes to bribes, Temple Moor can offer some of the best PD solutions ever. Unfortunately, no one gives a pair of dingo's kidneys - it just proves how idiotic PD is. And I'm not talking about potential difference, obviously.

But the real question is this: does Temple Moor think that after next week we'll wear our uniform better? No, we won't. And anyway, the next week after next week is in January. Who will remember anything?

Not the real name. But what an awesome acronym, eh?

Newsletter V Us

With very little news and lots of letters, what has the latest newsletter got to say? You could check out the PDF, or read the Templar Truths condensed version, complete with what we'd say.

Autumn Term
"beginning to see the new school take shape", "learning to share the reduced space", "setting and maintaining Standards", "Standards Assemblies", "world class students"
The builders are getting somewhere at last. But behaviour's going down the pan, so the school is forcing yet more assemblies upon us. And they're deluded about the quality of Templars.

Holidays
"Staff development day", "Christmas", "closed at 2:00PM on Friday 21"
They're letting us leave when? The 21st? That's just four days before Christmas. Is this legal?

Communication With Temple Moor
"always available to speak with you", "ring to make an appointment", "contact numbers:"
Apparently, the school has an email address. Who knew? Actually, several Nigerian bankers...

Wild In The Woods
"project at Skelton Grange Environment Centre", "wonder and adventure", "pond dipping", "students have used sticks, string and elastic bands to make their own sculptures"
A desperate attempt to get kids interested in nature, by making art on the cheap. And a snigger-inducing name to boot!

Lost Property
"accrued a large amount of lost property", "be much easier...all their belongings clearly marked"
The school's fed up of picking up dirty old jumpers - write your name in them, will you? What if you lose, say, a watch? How do you write your name in that, eh?

Year 11 Trial Exams
"begin week commencing..."
Great...but most Year 11s only got this newsletter after the exams. Smart.

Travel And Tourism
"organised a visit to London", "world famous 'Madame Tussauds' "
Look, they've put Madame Tussards in quote marks...perhaps it wasn't the real Madame Tussards, but just some Travel & Tourism students standing really still.

After Hours
"sessions have recommenced", "catch up on any coursework", "complete homework"
You can do homework at school. Defeats the point, though, don't you think?

Attendance
"this half term parents will have received letters", "raising the awareness of attendance"
Basically, school's attendance is bad. What can improve it? Only RAG, clearly...

NER Engineers Forum
"attended a lecture", "building a human bridge", "a fantastic success", "children were well involved...well behaved"
School took some kids to participate in a fun day out. No-one died, did any killing or anything bad. Hmm...sure they were TMHS kids?

Homework Club
"running well again this year", "get on with their homework"
Has After Hours (above) got a rival? This is the most boring rivalry ever. Hands down.

RE Gifted and Talented Conference
"a Philosophy & Ethics conference", "range of discussions", "where is God?", "nihilism", "problem of evil", " 'it opened up my mind' "
It's a good job they talked about nihilism. In a conference like this, I'd be fairly nihilistic!

"Coca Cola Challenge"
"helping Coca Cola produce their range of drinks in a more environmentally friendly way", "we didn't get through to the next round"
When it comes to Templars trying to be eco-friendly, they fail. Maybe because their school sets an example like Hitler at a Pro-Semitism Conference.

Performance
"samba band (TEMPOAGOGO)", "Soul Singers continue to grow", "successful performance", "rehearsals...underway...for Little Shop of Horrors"
Little Shop has plenty of potential to be a good performance, if the acting and singing is up to scratch. But pray it's better the samba band's name - TEMPOAGOGO. Yes, it must always be written in capitals.

Temple Moor Award Winners!
"International Development work rewarded by receiving a prestigious government award", "work to promote awareness of the wider world"
There's an oxymoron.

Great Gifts Campaign 2007
"helping less fortunate families overseas", "gifts from the World Vision alternative gift catalogue", "mosquito nets", "a myriad of goats"
Let's forget those less fortunate families who live in the UK for a moment. You know what happens when you send goats (especially a "myriad", of which one definition is "ten thousand")? These poor, starving families need to feed the goats. Where will they get that food? Think these gifts through, please.

Free Books for Year 7
"lucky enough to receive a free reading book", "a list of twelve titles"
Free books? If anyone knows what they were, please email or leave comments. Because free books doesn't usually inspire quality, does it?

Design Faculty Clubs
"Art Club", "Food Club", "Drop In Art Club", "Textiles Catch Up Club", "Resistant Materials Catch Up Club"
Plenty of choice - and you'll need to choose, some occur at the same time on the same day. Clever, huh?

New Building Progress
"first phase...well underway", "design block", "Science, ICT suites and dining area", "sports hall extension", "an indoor 'street' lined with lockers", "planned to be complete by December 2008"
Well it's all very exciting and we can't wait to see how good/awful the new building will be as a learning environment. But December 2008? Are they sure they can do all that's left in just one year? I know they're hopelessly optimistic, but someone's been feeding the school happy pills. Good news: chlorine levels down 100%.

Year 7 Induction Days
"team building games", "tug of war"
After stupid games and a tug-of-war match, they've still decided Temple Moor is the place to be.

Cook-Off Competition
"very popular house competition", "submit their own 'healthy' recipe"
Don't use quote marks! 'Healthy' means it isn't. Fools!

BTEC Sports Course Kicks Off at Temple Moor
"introduction of the BTEC sports and Exercise qualification", "in-school placements", "equivalent of 4 GCSEs"
Kids are learning to be teachers. This is going to be a never-ending circle, isn't it?

Lower School Dance Club
"growing and growing", "dance performance of Fame"
It's dancing. What more can we say?

Sports Coats for Sale
"students are now able to purchase rain jackets", "new Temple Moor PE and Sport logo", "cost £25"
What are these things? Two words: Fleetwood's Macs.

"Moor" on the web

Oh, yes, isn't that pun just hilarious? It's like "more on the web", but incorporating part of the school's name. Either way you look at it, it's certainly a lot cleverer than this:

Don't ask me what that's all about. But here's what the uploader said about it:

This were i fell off my bike at my mates i broke my wrist and my elbow and went flying over my handle bars and did a 180 flip
-beastypie07

The video's got only 17 views as I type this, hasn't been rated out of five stars at all yet and has no clicks from any website. But if you're after more from beastypie07, the sensibly-named YouTube user, check out his other video "Garner v Danny" - yes, it's another appalling bad fight, set to awful music.

And now onto more positive news. The website Urban Dictionary is a bit like Wikipedia, but a dictionary. Users define new phrases and words that have come into use. What's "The Henry Winkler", a "vague chesire on AIM" or "glowmophobia"? I suggest you avoid them, and instead look at "cumhead". Not sure what it means? Well one definition is this:

The word cumhead orginates from Temple Moor High School.

The word means someone who puts so much gel on their hair, you can actually see little lumps of it. Making it appear to be cum in a sort of way

"Hey cumhead, what's that's in your hair?"
"Gel"
"It looks like cum to me cumhead"

Makes you proud to attend the school, doesn't it?

Website updated

About time! Today, the school website has changed its scrolling marquee of news text. School's shut tomorrow.

Finally, they've sorted out the website. You can now click on "Post 16" and go to a functioning webpage. The latest newsletter is available in PDF format, though Tempo magazines are still missing. We at Templar Truths applaud the effort made by whoever's done this.

But don't you think it's a bit late to tell us today that we're off school tomorrow? Especially as no-one regularly checks the website for news, nor does the school offer RSS. We have readers, and an RSS feed. We haven't told you that you're off tomorrow because you should really know by now. In short, stick with us!

Happy now, Nick? We've linked to the official website.

Power Surge

If you were in a lesson during Period 2 today, your classroom lights may have turned off and back on again. If you were in IT, then I hoped you saved your work before this power surge.

So that's another disaster to add to the growing list. Granted, it was a mild one and no one got gassed, but still...it's a disaster. Even more so when you realise some nearby houses lost power, too. Sorry to let our readership down, but we've gained no information as to why the surge occurred.

Our expert speculation, however, leads us to believe the BSF builders may have been responsible. This is pure guess work but, if we're honest, who's it most likely to be? Those builders on their perpetual lunch break.

Attendance: The Sticker Version

So Temple Moor's attendance sucks. It's officially recognised and, to their credit, the school is trying to do something about it. Not just via the RAG system's implementation, either. No, the school's latest weapon is...a sticker.

The sticker is to be stuck to the inside cover of your planner. The very first bit of it, that's how "important" it is. It then has a space for your name and form. Hang on, your name and form? Well that's on the front page of your planner! Whose idea were those boxes? Anyway, the next space for writing is last year's attendance. Don't know it? Don't worry, your form tutor probably has the information.

Then, as the year progresses, you get to fill in your attendance for each half term. Brilliant, except how will we find out our last half term? We'll be in the summer holidays, so it's pathetically useless. Add to that fact that Year 11 won't give a damn, seeing as they're off during most of that time - some won't be returning for Sixth Form, either.

You know what's crazier? The "targets" boxes! Surely, your target attendance should be 100%, right? Not at Temple Moor - the school with bad attendance records. Say last year and the past half term's attendance was 80%. Your target, then, is about 90%. Which, effectively, means you can skip a few days at school. Awesome!

Post-It use #7

We all love Post-It notes, don't we? Especially at Templar Truths, because they're the ultimate guerilla revolt tool. So this is the latest use:

Writing "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" and posting it all over the place.

This is a good idea for several reasons:

1. To show support for the blog
2. Revolting against work (which is ALWAYS a good thing)
3. An homage to the shining

I encourage you all to do this and show solidarity against oppression!!

OK that last bit was a bit over the top...

It Ain't All Bad...

Now, before you turn away in disgust thinking we've defected with a post title like that, bear with me. Temple Moor has some good points, but we'd be crazy to cover those. So instead, I'd like to tell you about the idiocy of another school. OK, they don't gas their pupils, flood their kitchens and set fire to their trees, but their lunch rules are crazy.

Whitkirk Primary School is one of Temple Moor's "feeder" schools - a load of pupils go from their to TMHS. Let's forgive their mistake there, though. Lunch times at Whitkirk, from what we've heard, are madness. Why? Because the school is so focused on idiotic healthiness and getting rid of the apparent obesity "crisis", it won't let children take chocolate to school!

That's right. If a child is spotted munching a Dairy Milk - and who can blame them? It's delicious - whoever's on patrol at break/lunch (and this really is a patrol, of Gestapo magnitude) will basically confiscate the chocolate.

Now, that may seem unfair. It is dreadfully so. But it gets worse. You can't even take in Smarties. But, in one class recently, children played a game of sorts that involved counting Smarties or using Smarties in some educational way. After this activity was finished, guess what happened? The children were given Smarties to scoff.

So if you thought Temple Moor had you drowning in hypocrisy,
a)you're completely right; but
b)it gets worse in other schools.

Monthly Roundup

While no one actually tried to re-enact Guy Fawkes' plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament with Temple Moor, November's still been an exciting month. Well, "exciting" might be the wrong word. But here's what's happened:

• Thanks to all of you who voted in the poll. 38 votes where cast - 35 of which voted Templar Truths as the best source of TMHS news on the web. Two people voted for the official website and one person voted for Tempo magazine. Those three have now been locked up permanently in the asylum, and we'll continue to deliver non-biased news for you.
• Reader Emily decided to email us about Children In Need - good work!
• A new newsletter - containing little news but plenty of letters - has been released, expect a review soon!
• Congratulations to all those Year 11s who completed their trial exams, especially those of you who did well but are failed by the flawed RAG analysis system
• In one of our first posts - this one - we mentioned the Titler bin, and we later on promised to give you exclusive photos. Well, readers, that time is now. Why has the school not amended this pseudo-Nazi reference? Maybe because they're a fascist administration, too...
• The school has started selling raincoats, mainly for those who partake in after-school sports clubs. The raincoats have the school logo...and cost a hugely ripping-off price of £25!
• In further frugal news, Temple Moor charges 10p for ketchup sachets, which one pupil has told us is unfair. We agree.

Remember to email us your tales of TMHS woe or delight. But before you do, have a look where the Science College extra cash really got spent:

Liberal Fascism: it's the new black

Wander through Temple Moor. Go on. Because its students can't seem to handle walking around properly - mainly thanks to the cramped, not-at-all-big-enough corridors - the school has put up signs saying "Keep Left". At least, that's the official explanation...

But we at Templar Truths know the truth: it's there to persuade parents and other school visitors that the school is liberal and on the left of the political spectrum. However, every Templar (our word for student or pupil, not just us writers) can plainly see they're being taught in a fascist dictatorship.

So Temple Moor is doing one of two things:

1. Creating Liberal Fascism, a new political ideology that mixes together liberal thoughts with fascism
2. Disguising their fascism behind a liberal curtain

However, fascism has its advantages. Assemblies will be more interesting. We secretly filmed an assembly rehearsal and we think you'll agree - it's more dynamic and interesting than previous assemblies:

AQA Examinations.

Exams, the most crucial part of a students "career". However it is also the most boring and tediously exhausting part. So when that Exam finally finishes you get to go home, put your feet up and relax. Well not in Temple Moor.

Though we are partial to praise and it's always nice to be praised. There are some times when you simply can't be arsed. Last week and this week, year 11s and a few year 10s have been taking part in GCSE Mocks. And so far the end of every test, pupils have to sit an extra 10 minutes being told how good they are. Aren't you normally kept back for being bad?
The latest culprit being the headmaster (we refuse to call him principle) who gave us an unnecessary pat on the back.
We do however congratulate you if you have been taking an exam this week. Our congratulations is better as you're not being kept 10 minutes in a cold sports hall while waiting to go home.

Now onto the actual tests. The school doesn't appear to want to create its own tests for the mocks. Instead it decides to steal previous papers to use. However this means they usually contain subjects we haven't yet covered. This leads to some tests being annoyingly hard. However tests being too hard is not where AQA fail. No it's when they make the tests too easy. Resulting in the rather Epic Lulz.
An example of this is the IT paper pupils sat today. It was 1 hour 30 for foundation and 2 hour for Higher. However with these questions, it made little difference.
Most questions were multi choice. Tick what you thought was the correct statement. Pretty simple. But not as simple minded as the people who come up with the choices. One question was asking about RFIDs or Radio Frequency Identification Devices. Pretty tricky if you haven't done them yet like our class, unless you were lucky enough to make a comic about RFIDs as apart of your revision. However actual knowledge about RFIDs isn't needed when one of the choices face with is "If you get too many RFIDs together they will create an Evil Network".
Another question was talking about a mapping software called SeeEarth, which is not a total rip of GoogleEarth at all. The specific question was asking why Police couldn't use it to catch criminals. Of course the correct answer has to be "The Crooks might have umbrellas so can't be seen".

This isn't a plea for hard papers. Oh no no. We got a few laughs out of this IT one. But instead we'd like less Rubbish in the questions. And also we'd like questions that isn't rambling nonsense.

In summery: More laughs and less Rubbish in test papers please. And can we please go straight home after an exam. Not wait 10 Minutes.

On a final note to the AQA exam board. The school website can also be a source for 3 year old information like ours is.

Muddy floors

The school that brought you chlorine gas attacks and epically slow computer networks now presents muddy floors. No, really.

The Sports Hall's floor is usually kept clean for those participating in sports. That's only when it's being used for sports, of course. Which is usually never. But this week, those in Year 11 taking mock trial exams might have noticed that the floor is covered in dirt and mud.

You see, BSF has blocked the Sports Hall entrance with its building of...whatever they're actually doing (gas chambers, we reckon). For exam-takers, this means they must go round the back. After exiting the gym and crossing muddy ground there, and then crossing muddy ground around the Sports Hall, everybody's shoes are caked in mud. This mud is then transferred onto the Sports Hall floor while wandering around trying to find one's seat. Then it manages to be rubbed into the floor while a bored pupil sits there, having finished half an hour early.

So why am I complaining about this? Because we're always told to take off our shoes/football boots/trainers when entering the Sports Hall - but now it's allowed to be ruined by dirt? "Ah, but we can't have pupils completing exams barefoot" says Temple Moor's (imaginary) spokesperson. Well then why don't you allow pupils to keep footwear on their feet for those awful standards assemblies or when they're coming in from PE?

ONE of us isn't a sellout

I, personally, offer my most sincere, sincere apologies for the disgraceful, tear-inducing article about the school being run by aliens, posted by Belatu not long ago. The reason for it is that, apart from myself, every member of the blog is obscenely terrified that Temple Moor High School Science College will bring action against them for being part of a blog that fails to promote the school in the manner in which it would like.

I have assured the other bloggers that nothing will come of the school's (so far unconfirmed) warning. We don't even know for sure if the school are serious - but if they are, let me be the first to laugh out loud.

By posting the foolish, cringe-worthy article about aliens, which comes with a free poorly editted picture that makes me want to punch Belatu-Cadros, the rest of the blog believed we could escape threat. But - as I have pointed out so many times my voice is hoarse - the school have no course of action to take against us.

We are FULLY WITHIN OUR RIGHTS to post everything that we have - read the disclaimer, morons. We never claim that everything on the blog is entirely factual, and we maintain our right to exaggerate for comedic effect. But the outrageously wimpy article about aliens takes that to an extreme.

Temple Moor, if you REALLY do intend to take action, let us know immediately. I'll get a paramedic team on hand in case I laugh myself unconscious.

ONE of us is NOT a sellout. That one would be me.

And if anyone removes this article, then not only has the blog lost it's only sense-seeing writer, but a full list of names of those involved may find itself to Fleety's office. NOW you have a reason to worry. SO LEAVE THIS ARTICLE.

Thor (not really the Norse god) would like to agree with the above statement.

Make that three: Smoking Man (really, him off The X-Files) wants to add his name to non-sellouting.

Belatu-Cadros (Who?) would like to note that the Aliens post was, however linked with the schools knowledge of the blog, would like to state that the intentions for the actual post are not the same as the ones stated above. He appologies for any confusion it may have caused however as one of the Blog Admins, he'd like posts like this ran through him first.
Templar truths will continue to write the truth.

Temple Moor in graphs

Graphs are a visual way to represent data. They are easier to understand and better equipped at displaying information than tables or blocks of text. And they look rather professional and scientific. So here's Temple Moor, presented in graph format.

What we really want from BSF

So our school is being mutilated as it's reinvented, costing us valuable space. The sound is atrocious, too. In fact, the only good things are that the end result might be good and it gives the Templar Truths staff something to write about. So if billions are being spent making our school "ready for the 21st Century", what do pupils really want?

Because the school doesn't care, here's what pupils really want (all real suggestions):

• Better music and art facilities
• A school network that actually works
• A proper auditorium
  
• That will be used as a stage for, say, Little Shop of Horrors
  
• Proper lighting rigs
• Clean toilets
• A Greggs bakery
  
• A lift
• A "kissing corner" (because some people really do need to get a room)
• A cinema (no, really - it'd keep pupils amused, wouldn't it? It may even make assemblies less boring)

If you're reading, BSF builders, maybe add these to the plans? We'd love you.

Anything we've missed that you'd like to see? Comments please.

All about BSF

Not to be confused with BSE (Mad Cow Disease), though that surely can't be far off the school agenda...

BSF stands for Building Schools for the Future (not Bible Studies Fellowship) and it's a government plan to rebuild nearly every school up and down the country. It will bring said schools right into the 21st Century, modernising them and making them a much better learning environment.

If only.

While the end result may be something that looks very modern (read: "like a new shopping centre without shops") and have large open spaces, the road there is a long and troubled one. Pouring billions of pounds into a project doesn't mean it'll work smoothly. In fact, the current state of Temple Moor is a very bad one for pupils and staff alike. PE fields have been cut down, so the two indoor spaces - the Sports Hall and gym - would be packed, wouldn't you think? Not so. The gym's been knocked down and the Sports Hall is used mainly for exams. Why not just take PE off the timetable? Oh that's right...every child's getting fat. The statistics say so.

Education Leeds says Temple Moor is a "Phase One" school - which we think means it's one of the first to be completed...if it's all on schedule, which it isn't. And to make matters worse, The Times says the whole BSF project ignores the most frequently preached and holiest message to the youth of today: environmental friendliness. Clever, huh?

BSF: a brilliant idea to enhance the school or an utter shambles? Post your opinion in the comments.

Breaking News!

That's right. Templar Truths, your source for the truth behind Temple Moor, has discovered a dark secret about the school. Now this may shock, scare or even disturb you. So those with a week heart are advised to close the Internet window down!

The school is over run by Aliens!

Many of you will probably be shocked to hear this. But no doubt a few will not believe us. So let us explain. On the 16th of May, 2007. We were all meant to believe that a Chlorine tank had burst. Well that part is true. However it was not the builders who burst it. It was an Alien space ship.Here is a photo taken a few hours after the landing.

For many years, the teachers of Temple Moor have been members of a mad cult known as Pauperes commilitones Christi Templique Solomonici. Or simply, the Knights Templar. Thought dead, the Knights Templar have spent the last 600 years contacting an ancient race that holds the knowledge of all religion as we know it, or so the Templars say.

They are actually out to steal our planet with plans smiler to that of the Aliens in Independence Day. These Aliens come from an established colony they have built in the Oort cloud. They do not eat flesh nor have any other need for us but for Slaves. And with the dimwitted Templars running the school, these Aliens now run amok about the school at night. Planning their attack. By Day however they take the form of pupils.

So beware. If you find one of these Aliens avoid them. They are masters of hypnosis. And don't worry about their imminent attack. A contact has revealed their sign is a second chlorine leak. So when that happens, be ready!

You call that a fight?

"shak v danni" - a Temple Moor fight on YouTube

The above video - uploaded by liss1994 - depicts "shak nd danni avin a fight". With an audience dressed in PE uniform and a mobile phone with video capability ready to capture the action, the stage is set...for this fight. Punches are thrown, legs are kicked out and a lot of other stuff happens. But why? What's the point? While fighting might solve some of the world's problems - it got rid of Hitler, didn't it? - this one seems to be pointless. And even if there is a point, the audience is left wondering what this point is.

But the real question is: where's the teacher? Generally with Temple Moor fights, a small crowd gathers, which causes dozens of people from all year groups to flock to one area. Everyone's screaming "fight" and the crowd is massive, then a teacher comes along. Usually, no-one's hit anyone else - it's just a crowd-drawing ploy and nothing happens.

But when there's a real fight - assuming the YouTube footage isn't faked (what sort of fight begins "go on, then, go on" from a spectator?) - the teachers seem to be oblivious.

Oh, and to anyone thinking of fighting and putting it on Temple Moor, this is how you do it:

Network Failure

Isn't it great when a school runs a fast network capable of transferring files quickly and easily? well, it might be, but as we go to temple moor, we have no access to such a privileged thing.

we were in IT today, and we were trying to put videos into a website we've been creating over the last few weeks, a simple task, one would assume. All we had to do was copy the videos to our user area, then use something called "Serif WebPlus 10" (more on that in a later blog) to add the videos to our website. Like i said, simple. Alas, no. Each user area has a size limit of 40mb imposed on it meaning, because of the file sizes of some of these videos - the largest one was 68mb, and there was about 5-7 videos - it caused us to go over the allocated limit by 200mb. This caused a major strain on the network, as did all the file transfers going on, leading to the entire student network grinding to a painfully slow halt. Simple operations such as clicking a button took upwards of 10 minutes, and this wasn't just affecting our ICT class. School wide, the network ground to a halt.

We spoke to an IT teacher, and he said "The network just can't cope with what we need to do."
Temple Moor is hoping to upgrade the network if when the BSF project is ever has finished

Non-Uniform Day Cancelled

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UPDATE: At the end of the year, the form with the most credits (once negative comments have been subtracted) will get their own non-uniform day. But with the troubled PD system, this is hardly fair. Also, if students bring in 20p tomorrow, break will be extended by ten minutes. This works out at £54 per extra minute, just for those in year 11. This amount of money is ridiculous! While it does go to charity, the "prize" of donation is measly for what's being asked.
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It's a day students of Temple Moor rejoice in. The day when you can leave that house tie, jumper and drab grey trousers at home, and wear whatever you like (within reason, of course). Usually a non-uniform day coincides with Children In Need. Not this year. The TMHS powers that be have seen fit to cancel non-uniform day.

Standards, they say, are slipping. We don't pick up our litter, we don't show respect to teachers and our behaviour would shame prison convicts. And the punishment they've dreamt up is making us wear uniform. And the students are, well, outraged at this decision. And let's be honest here, it's not hard to see why.

Every year there's a non-uniform day. We donate money which goes to the charitable cause of Children In Need, so we can all sleep easy that night knowing we've helped some children somewhere. This year, however we won't. We've been denied that simple ritual, and we're quite right to be shocked.

But don't worry. We've heard that pupils can still bring in money and it'll count. The form which raises the most money will get their own private non-uniform day. Is the school thinking this will work? People won't pay to stay in uniform, only to be reconciled at a later date. Similarly, people won't want to donate in case their form doesn't win - they'll have paid and won't even get a non-uniform day. One teacher was asked about the move to cancel non-uniform, and used the words "mean" and "horrible".

Temple Moor seems to think bad behaviour can be dealt with via punishment. It very well might do. But equally, it could make the pupils behave worse...

Children in Need? It's this Friday?!?

As many wont remember, this Friday is Children in Need. And normally at children in need we all come in non-uniform. But aren't we told we're having non-uniform first? Yes, but that hasn't happened this year. Has the school forgot its (small) heart and is refusing to take part in this charitable event? I bet they just forgot. But who knows. Under the new Americanised regime, Children in Need could be abolished.

If you have any news on children in need at the school, e-mail us.

No uniform on Fridays I hope :D

Post-16 Education Evening

Here's what Templar writers and pupils have to say about Post-16 Education Evening:

• Why isn't it called "Sixth Form Opening Evening", which would be more adequate?
• The heating was immense
• Every subject seemed to be packed into the Drama Studio or W1, which meant huge crowds shuffling around
• The prospectus' introduction was accredited to "R Sherriff, Headteacher". We know the school's into recycling, but this is a bit much!
• It was bloody hot in there
• Revelations about one teacher beating pupils - was it mere joking?
• Subject teachers had a tendency to grab you and shove leaflets in your hands, while explaining why their subject is perfect for all your other choices
• To cool down, one needed to remove their skin (and buy a fan)
  
• Temple Moor is partnered with Brigshaw, but pick Temple Moor, it's ever so great!
• Mr Fleetwood admitted that he'd probably make up good things, but did say Oftsed marked the school's Sixth Form as "good". Hardly brilliant, then?
• Because of so many courses for those who maybe aren't so good at getting GCSEs, there's course which mean you could stay there until Year 15 (which they've just invented)
• You could go to the Sahara at noon and be cooler
• Some pupils found it "informative"
• Low-income households (less than £30,000ish per year) mean pupils get £30 a week, or, as we like to call it, free money!

In short, it was a pro-TMHS marathon, with teachers persuading kids to take their courses. And it was a bit warm, too.

Pupils to get a say in school's running

Today it was revealed to some forms and all school council members that pupils are going to be given a chance to have a say in part of the school. For once, we at Templar Truths like this idea. It's brilliant to give the kids - who are the people who really matter at Temple Moor - a say in what goes on. After all, they're the ones who deal with it.

But there's a downside. Pupils will (or in some cases already have) vote for which area needs most attention from the students. There's seven choices:

1. New build's layout, social areas, and stuff like that
2. New ICT technology
3. Lessons and teaching
4. Healthy school meals
5. House competitions
6. PD system
7. Bullying

Clearly what's most important here is the new build - we don't want to pass up the opportunity to say how our school's physical aspects should be - and the atrocious, flawed PD system. If enough sane pupils opt for voicing opinion on the PD system, perhaps we won't have to suffer under its idiocy.

Whether or not student ideas will be listened to is another matter entirely.

Monthly Roundup

October's been a fairly quiet Templar month, but we have had a week-long holiday. Here's some stuff that's also been happening:

• Nearly all those who voted reckon that the school's infamous chlorine gas explosion was caused by a stupid builder.
• The second-most popular theory behind the gas attack was conspiracy by the headmaster.
• Our email inbox has been flooded...by spam. Mohamed Ibrahim, for example, wants to give us lots of money, apparently. However, he's unreliable. Please start sending in your Templar truths, or we might just forget the email address.
• One pupil was told he'd have to pay up 30p for a new exercise book after doing a small doodle in his new one. Thus far, he's not had to pay for this outrageous idiocy.
• Temple Moor's self-billed "sxc super heros" are on YouTube, singing. Take a look:
  
  Now you've seen it, ask yourself: what? Clearly there's no singing talent and it's giving the pupils of Temple Moor a bad name. It's absolutely atrocious stuff. We want videos of chlorine gas leaks and Temple Moor farces, not students singing badly.

Please send us your tales of Temple Moor lunacy, idiocy or even brilliance. The email address is templemoorhighblog@hotmail.co.uk, and we'd love to hear your stories, which we'll put in the next monthly roundup.

The daft rules about smoking

Today's first period was replaced with a lesson with your form tutor about everyone's favourite Temple Moor fail: the positive discipline system. We've mentioned its inadequacies, stupidities and problems previously in the blog, but today it was taken to a whole new level.

An alright match-the-offence-with-the-punishment exercise was given out and completed. It was relatively easy - but conflicted with the "pyramids". These pillars of positive discipline, mentioned in Year 11's morning assembly, guide pupils and teachers on what crime gives which punishment. For example, the yellow/orange "pyramid" (in quote marks because it's really a triangle, despite what teachers say) says unprovoked assault is a fixed term permanent exclusion. Yet the match-up sheet said it was a detention, isolation or exclusion, depending on the severity of the assault. Make up your minds!

Now let's move on to the smoking. Smoking earns you an instant isolation, according to the pyramid. That's actually quite soft for a punishment, seeing as smoking is against the law for most people in Temple Moor. According to today's match-up sheet, you can get a detention for being around people who are smoking. This seems far too harsh. Is it sensible to punish someone for being in the wrong place and the wrong time? Furthermore, it's punishment for who your friends are. If anything, you should be awarded for not smoking if your friends are: defiance of peer pressure is surely a good thing!

One form tutor remarked "we know where people smoke, so just stay away". At first, this seems like sensible advice, until you realise this: the school knows people smoke and knows where. This raises the troubling question of why the school doesn't stop it happening. It's against the law, so Temple Moor is really stopping the law taking effect! What sort of example is this to its thousands of students?

Who cares about our Future?

"Who cares about our Future? Tell us most about how you KO'd Robbie Savage!"

We've had a motivational speech about our future, with former football referee Matt Messias.

As year 11s will now no doubt all ready know, Matt is most famous for this scene here where he knocks down Blackburn's Robbie Savage.

Matt's main purpose was to get across the school's "aim higher programme". Thinking that a ref would be "down" with the students, they set forth and got Matt to do a speech. Whether it worked, nobody can really tell, but the assembly he gave wont be forgotten any time soon.

After, he prepared to do one hour sessions with two groups for the next two periods. As foreseen, when he asked if anyone had any questions, he was stricken by questions to do with his accident with Robbie Savage. The lessons themselves required pupils to write about what they'd like to do in the future. But hardly any pupils took this seriously despite the seriousness of the topic.
At the end of the lessons, Matt put on a video that was a montage of sporting achievements to Eminem's Lose Yourself. However the video also couldn't be taken seriously because of the amount of innuendos in it. Apparently we must help each other as a team, and the better we do, the more inches to success we are. And we must take the inches off others to survive.

Agreed, the lesson was worth skipping the rubbish our teachers already had cooked up for us. And to make things even better, one Templar managed to get Matt's autograph. A day well spent.

3 Subjects, 3 Teachers...right?

WRONG!

We at Templar Truths have just discovered how Year 7 kids are being taught for History, Geography and another subject (RE, we assume, it being the only other "Humanities" lesson) - by the same teacher!

Your average Geography teacher - and I'm not, for once, being offensive here - probably knows nothing about Henry VIII besides his six wives, nor do they really know about Native Americans. They're just not really useful for history lessons, are they? And while they can probably tell Jesus from Mohammed, it's hardly likely they know vast amounts about RE. Which all makes you wonder...why are they teaching it?

Thankfully, it's only Year 7 students, as far as we know. So it's not essential for any exams...ever. You don't do a History SAT or cover any of these topics in GCSE, so at least their education isn't too impaired.

Aim Higher and more RAG

As my first post on here for a while (well, since Halo 3 came out), I'll be discussing, or better to put it, ranting about the "Aim Higher" system implemented by the schools fascist administration. The idea behind Aim Higher is to bludger students with hour after hour of "optional" school work. I put the word "optional" in quote tags because that's how these lessons are advertised across, the reality being much more different - or so it seems to us. Other lessons include staying over during the holidays which could be better spent trying to eat broken glass rather than doing coursework.
As another Templar put it, the school is not trying to teach us, but make us into exam monkeys.

Second of all, there is a new development with the RAG system that has been discussed more than once here before. The school administration has taken a leaf out of Nazi German's "Buch" and is now labeling all pupils by colour. You guessed it. Red, amber and Green. Pupils will be awarded Green if they're on target over all. Amber if they are under achieving in some areas, and Red if they are doing not as expected. Of course, the school's first choice of punishment would be firing squad, but when the school found out that was now illegal, instead pupils under achieving wont get any study leaves instead.

How do you feel about either of the new "punishments" the school's implemented? Post a comment or sign up and make your own posts.

How can you fail at stapling?

Temple Moor has sunk to brand new low. Not being able to staple properly. I know it's more complex than paperclipping - which, unlike Microsoft Office, Temple Moor have done well - but it's not rocket science.

Five sheets of squared paper. Four are double-sided. And, by the way, it's for coursework where everything counts. You'd think, then, that the Temple Moor resident stapler could staple the sheets together with ease. But no. The page order goes like this: 1, 2, 4, 3, 6, 5, 8, 7, 9. Apart from the first two pages (which is impossible to get wrong seeing as they're on the same sheet of paper), everything else is butchered and wrong.

Temple Moor really can fail at everything.

SNAFU With Computers

In T5, Temple Moor's braindead ideasmen decided that all the computer CPUs should be housed in two corners of the classroom, behind a wooden board. Clever, huh? This restricts pupils' control over their computers. Sure, the "power" button on the keyboard can turn it off - but you must get back up to turn it on. USB ports are available, too. But what if you needed to plug in headphones or something like that? Well, tough. But Temple Moor's stuck with this mad method, and now it's cost them and pupils.

Half of T5's computers today were inactive and not working. Why? We weren't told (if you know, stick it in the comments, please) - but we suspect there was a roof leak and all the CPUs are now internally fried and won't run. Either that or something overheated, causing them all to break. Way to go TMHS!

It just goes to show that the only original ideas at Temple Moor are the ones that fail.

Jeans For Genes? Not At TMHS

Jeans For Genes Day - held on the first Friday of October (today) - is a day when everyone is encouraged to throw out the dress code and wear jeans. Then donate £1 or £2 to help children with genetic disorders.

It sounds like a worthy cause, doesn't it? And it is. But of course, Temple Moor staff quake at the thought of non-uniform days, so wearing jeans is a no-go area. And they proved that today by not celebrating this. It's either down to ignorance or very possibly the fact that the school wouldn't get a penny out of the idea. And if it doesn't make profit, Temple Moor's not interested.

They've already demonstrated that they don't think the anniversary of 9/11 is worthy of a minute's silence, and now they're not even allowing children with genetic problems a chance. Way to go!

"PD is unfair" says teacher

Kids have often remarked that the Positive Discipline system of stamps and credits is fatally flawed: less intelligent people get more stamps than higher sets. So far, these cries have been ignored, but it seems like one teacher is agreeing - and it's not hard to see why.

It's a well-known fact that if you're in set B4 for Maths, saying "x is 14" even when it isn't will earn you a stamp or three, for trying. Say it in A1 and you're more likely to be told you're wrong, leaving you wondering what x really is. And you can't ask for stamps, because that's just wrong.

We at Templar Truths have also noticed that even when teachers do give out stamps, it's wildly inconsistent. Some teachers will give you a stamp for handing in homework; others will do only if you've done it well. This was particularly noted by the teacher who said it is "unfair" and "wrong".

What does this mean, then? Stamps and credits are a stupid idea, basically. They're given out differently by teachers, making them random and not uniform. Unless you're in a top set, where you just won't get any - even though you're the one who will make the school's statistics look good. Fairness? Temple Moor doesn't know the meaning of the word!

For the love of... ART?!

Another failing has reached my attention - mainly since I was stuck in the thick of it, just days ago. Art teachers, hardly surprising but worth mentioning, are idiots. The lot of them. Hell, I bet they don't even know the first thing about the subject.

It's like the old saying - "If you can't do anything else, teach. If you can't do that, teach P.E. And if you can't cope with that either, teach Art."

Due to some tool screwing up the timetabling, Year 11s have been forced to switch to a whole new Art teacher mid-way through a GCSE COURSE! How badly is that going to affect their grades?

From the evidence, VERY badly. Hardly anyone in this particular art glass is anywhere near a pass grade yet. Most are hovering around E/F/G grades. And when I say hardly anyone, that is no exaggeration. It is the majority of the class.

Granted, our new Art teacher couldn't really have done anything about our previous teacher's failings at her job. To be frank, she was useless in every meaning of the word. She broke people's art projects, took time off for illnesses which, as it appeared, didn't affect her a great deal (she came into school many days to "catch up with things", and she looked fine. But she insisted she couldn't teach us and apologized in the most shockingly un-meaningful way I have ever known.) and generally didn't know a great deal about Art in itself, or what our GCSE course entailed. Half the stuff which we allegedly "should've done" last year in Art wasn't even set for us at the time, which has played a major part in dragging everyone down.

But the new teacher isn't much better either. Only now, in October of our final year, just weeks away from our mock exams and a few months from our real exams, does she tell us how far behind we are. Why did she not tell us from what she could see of our previous work with our previous teacher? Because she doesn't have a clue what we did with our previous bloody teacher! So now, with barely time to turn things around, she tells us, and me specifically, that we're doing horribly. Nice timing.

What angered me even more, is that after taking in our sketchbooks, she clearly didn't look at them before compiling these reports on our progress. Half the stuff she claims I haven't done, I have - it's all in my book, not hard to find if you opened the damn thing.

I, personally, am taking a great deal of GCSEs. Far more than the majority of students. Since Year 10, I have worked toward the goal of passing each and every one of them. Being told that you've fallen behind almost irreperably given the time left is one f*cking huge blow.

Art teachers are idiots. They have failed their students. They have failed at their craft. I hate them all.

Post-It Use #109

Fixing incorrect posters

The latest idea of some astronomers was to say "Pluto's no longer a planet". Now while this annoyed exam boards (yay!), it also annoyed physics teachers (that's bad!). And it happened to void every textbook and free Guardian poster in the school.

But help is at hand. Grab a Post-It note, scribble "Not a planet!" and an arrow on it and stick it onto a solar system poster to emphasise the fact that Pluto isn't a planet and, in a shock break of Temple Moor tradition, the school is wrong.

Stick to the science men!

Little Shop of Horrors

This year the school has chosen to put on the musical "Little Shop of Horrors", a brilliant stage show that focuses on a man eating plant

I haven't been able to get a full cast-list but I shall post the ones I know here:

• Audrey - Fran Clarke
  
• Seymour - David Mowbray
• Audrey 2 - Matty Jackson
  
• Ronette - Amy Oddy
• Crystal - Kirsten Moore
• Chiffon - Jess heald
• Dentist - Stefan Mannion
• Dentist's Assistant - Lauren Kerrigan
• Man who wants clipping of plant at end - Mark Horbury (i think)

More info on the cast as i get it!

ALSO there are rumours that the school will be putting on High School Musical next year and even though we won't be here, this blog will. So I encourage future readers to boycott this monstrosity if it is ever perfomed at Temple Moor

Hellish, inhospitable working conditions? Just the usual at Temple Moor.

Ah, nearly a week without blogging. It's good to be back.

So, the title should say a lot of this for me. Hellish and inhospitable working conditions? What could I be talking about?

Two tales, both of which occured in today at one of the (allegedly) "Best Schools in the District" - following a lesson on the upper floors of the main school block, as the bell rang for break, the entire class flooded out into the corridor. It seemed unusually smoky for this time of day. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it... that's when it hit me. Why the hell is the corridor filled with mysterious wispy smoke?
Several theories emerged, some more logical than others.

1) Another mishap on the building site. It wouldn't surprise me in the least, but the question is, what could have caused the smoke? It didn't appear thick enough to be engine smoke from failing machinary, in which case, I don't see what else could have caused it.
2) A chemical spill. No, not another Chlorine Leak (although that's only a matter of time), but a small scale science block spillage. The chemicals must've reacted pretty nicely to make that much smoke though, making this thoery illogical - chemicals don't seem to react properly in most planned experiments, so why would it succeed via an accidental spillage?
3) Weed. Not the plant that takes over your garden, the weed that alters your perception of reality. Hint hint. Although I can't see anyone being that brazen about taking drugs in a school corridor, especially when it makes that much smoke.
4) This is my personal favourite. The return of Epic Fail Guy, and his epic fail experiments. Maybe he accidently concocted a lethal acid from an experiment involving nothing but straws and lime water. It wouldn't be unlike this particular teacher.

If none of the above theories prove true, then the smoke's origin may be forever unknown. Which isn't exactly encouraging.

Oh, and tale number two.

It can be heard from the Art Block. It can be heard from the Sixth Form Block. Heck, it can be heard from Outer Mongolia. It's the annoyingly, unneccessarily loud drilling equipment used by our amazing *cough!* polish immigrants workers. Woops, that should be "building specialists".

It makes lessons near the building site more interesting, but not for the right reasons. You can't just hear it, but for people near, you can feel it. Sure it's an excuse for not concentrating, but after a few minutes, it loses it's appeal and becomes damn annoying.

It may not sound like much, but for a high school, having abnormally smoky corridors and incessent drilling that shakes the buildings about isn't a good thing.

Expect more tales of woe soon, Templars.

PE Trip: What They Didn't Want You To Know

None of the Templar bloggers went on the PE trip, but we have an inside source who's decided to spill the beans on this disaster of a trip! The trip took place over the weekend, and was designed to let PE students have fun. However, it seems to have gone horribly wrong.

A certain pupil had his room "trashed" by the other pupils, and ended up being "bullied all weekend". Did the teachers step in and prevent this? Of course not, Temple Moor teachers never take any notice of anything, unless it involves chlorine. Or perhaps it's because teachers "were boozing" at night - in the presence of students, as well! Surely this isn't allowed? But it is: because the teachers make the rules.

Food is essential for exercise, it gives you energy to use. You'd think, then, that on a PE trip, food would be regarded highly. "Food was s***" said our inside source, reflecting the group consensus. And to add insult to injury, students had to make their own lunch. If you leave a group of teenagers to pick what they eat, chances are they won't choose a balanced meal full of what they need. A good diet is critical to PE, and it seems students have been robbed of it.

Our inside source said:

one of the climbing instructors kept telling a pupil to "check out his mate" and that he and his girlfriend "checked each other out on the rocks all the
time"

Is this really what the Temple Moor staff wants its students to be hearing from 'professionals'? It's doubtful.

Finally, the most shocking revelation of all: staying in the same "dirty rooms" were ex-convicts/young offenders. Not only did many children feel threatened in the presence of criminals, but dormitory doors had no locks - leaving them literally open to the ex-convicts, who could go in and steal pupils' belongings. How's that for safety?

Will the next newsletter or Tempo mention that pupils paid £130 for "dirty rooms and cramped space", along with all the other problems mentioned above? Hardly! Instead, you'll hear about how it was great for "team-building", "self-esteem" but above all, it was "fun". At least you know the truth.

Monthly Roundup

Here's a quick insight into what's being going on behind the scenes of Templar Truths this month, in handy bullet point form.

• Most of our readers are in Year 11 - 47 of them voted. There's one reader in Years 7-9, and one in Year 13. We have two Year 10 readers and three Year 12 readers. Thanks to all who voted.
• Blogger can't add up to 100, its percentages have been odd by a bit quite often. Don't worry, we're going to shoot those responsible.
• We've had one writer-wannabe email us. But he couldn't spell for his life.
• Reader "Jess" sent us this incomprehensible nonsense:
  "it is very difficult to tell which homework has been set, due to this new layout i can now see fountain pen ink on my hand from three days ago which has become my new planner page"
• We want to know who the idiot "anonymous" commenter is. He's posted here and here.

Finally, if you'd like to send us a (true) story about Temple Moor, we'll feature it in the next monthly roundup at the end of October, or possibly sooner if it's really good. Also email if you'd like to be mentioned on the blog as a fan. Like a certain Josh Pye person, who wanted his name broadcast on the Internet on a blog about the school he attends. Which was a really clever idea, because the Internet isn't full of 'bad people' at all, is it?
(The person who wanted the mention has decided it's perhaps not the best idea, so we've crossed out his name to protect his privacy.)

School's "Special" Attendance

With the school taking every opportunity to remind you that attendance is important, term-time holidays are a bad idea and the new traffic light system RAG analysis, you'd be forgiven for thinking that the school really cares about your grades. But don't be silly. It's really because the school's attendance levels are bad, and they're under "special" observation.

So clearly, Temple Moor's attendance rate is dipping - and it's all your fault! That is, essentially, what the school would have you believe. And they might be right - but does this mean you'll turn up for school? Hardly, if anything, you're more likely to stay away from school to get them into trouble.

However, at Templar Truths we have this to say: turn up for school. But only because it's full of hilarious amounts of failure.

Website Broken

While the school's website may be infamous for its non-existent updating, it seems that the website has been struck by a new problem: it's broken. While the homepage looks fine, delve deeper and you'll see that it's falling apart at the seams.

The Tempo page, above, has no Tempos available! All those carefully PDF'd Tempos of old are now lost. Oh dear, oh dear. Someone's really made a mistake! Will they be fired? Maybe if anyone actually notices the error here, but the website is looked at so infrequently, God knows when that will be.

And here's another mistake! The "Post 16" page displays:

error '80020009'
/Sixth.asp, line 64

To the Templar Truths staff, it looks like the page about the sixth form (sixth.asp) has an error in its coding, on line 64. This error is so serious, the page won't be displayed. Someone had better go fix it!

Visit the Temple Moor site yourself! If you spot a problem, email templemoorhighblog@hotmail.co.uk

Why Can't Teachers Take The Register?

It's a staple of education that every school uses to great effect: the register. This simple tool allows teachers to know who's there in the lesson and who's not. They can then attempt to find out why someone wasn't there. But Temple Moor seem to have bungled this monumentally simple task.

The classic register - pencil marks on a piece of paper - was scrapped recently, in favour of a computerised system. In theory, it's a fantastic system: the teacher marks you down as present and if you're not there, there's a variety of options to choose to explain why you're away. This information is then sent off and can be checked by people or other software. But when this fails, it really fails. Teachers can struggle with how the system works, or accidentally click twice and mark someone as absent when they're not, causing the school to shout "truant child!" when it should be "silly teacher!"

And then teachers often forget to take the register, anyway. And how will this be of benefit to anyone? How will we know if someone's hidden behind the huts smoking if you don't know if they have opportunity? Amazingly, it happens with alarming regularity. And there's no decent excuse.

Finally, in PE today, a teacher said a pupil's name on the register. There was no response. "Is he not here?" asked the teacher, to be hit by a unanimous "no". The teacher didn't hear, so it was repeated. At last, he hears and gets a bit irate. "Will give me a clue, lads!" he bellows. There's proof that the teacher doesn't have a clue. But anyway, the clue to absence is that you didn't get the response "here, sir"! It doesn't take a genius to realise if no one says "here", they're probably not there.

Latest Newsletter

The latest newsletter is out, and it doesn't even mention the Great Kitchen Disaster. But then, we were expecting this sort of cover-up. Anyway, here's the Templar Truths take on the newsletter; with headlines in bold, TMHS text in italics and our take on things in normal text.

Welcome Back "an exciting year", "results were once again excellent", "attendance rate is currently below the national average", "steel work has been erected over the summer", "action packed term ahead" The new year will be disrupted by building a lot, but well done to everyone who bothered turning up for their exams. This year will be more mundane than ever before, because 2007-08 will lack gas attacks.

School Calendar "...lots of dates..." Not enough days off, though Easter lasts 19 March till 7 April, which is ages.

Development Days "school will be closed", "...four dates..." Staff are too incompetent, so they'll be replaced by monkeys slowly over the course of the year - a quarter on each of these dates.

Best Ever Results for Temple Moor "best ever results", "5 A*-C", "average points score is up" Congratulations to everyone who worked hard, and aren't exams getting easier? Just kidding! Now the pressure's on everyone else to do well.

Open Evening "already looking forward to next year", "early closure" We at Templar Truths say everyone should go to put off parents.

Supporting Success "year 10 parents are invited", "opportunity to fully understand the expectations", "vital information" If your kid is in Year 10, come along and Temple Moor's full plan of academic torture will be described in detail.

Golden Bunsen "quality of all teams' solutions...extremely high", "well done", "hopefully we can win back the trophies" In a shock twist of events, Golden Bunsen saw Temple Moor fail.

Free Books for Year 7s "all Year 7 students will...receive a free reading book", "students have been choosing a book from a list of 12", "encourage reading" When I was in Year 7, do you know what I got? A New Testament (and psalms) from Gideons. They get a proper book, the gits.

Parental Survey Results "74%...felt...school was very good", "RE, Drama and Guidance...identified as areas for improvement" Parents are being conned into thinking school is good.

Year 8 French Trip "an action packed week", "enjoyed superb sights", "a Hawaiian themed disco" 41 youngsters enjoyed being in a foreign country, even though it was with school. And not one person died! Result!

Summer Sports Camp 2007 "despite poor weather", "growing in popularity", "all children...excelled themselves" Some kids decided it'd be fun to do extra PE in the rain and loved it. They didn't learn anything new, but they loved it.

Positive Discipline "has played a central role", "providing...high standards and success", "a few amendments", "PD shop", "negative comments have been sub-divided", "positively serve every child" The positive discipline system just won't go away. They've made a few changes this year which suck even more than the bad ideas before. Expect a full rant-fuelled post on the PD system soon, courtesy of me.

Lego League "taking up the challenge", "compete against other high schools", "we are convinced that we can achieve a high level of success" In a fury of self-delusion, Temple Moor thinks it can win something. As if.

Nell Bank "Year 12 students will be spending one day at Nell Bank", "outdoor activity", "emphasis on fun" Because year 12 students don't have to do PE, Temple Moor is making them do sporty things at the stupidly named Nell Bank.

Post 16 Education Evening "will take place on...November 7th", "new prospectus" The school's attempt to make sure you stay on for Sixth Form is happening in November. Be there!

National Book Week "first week of October", "the chance to write...short book review", "reviews will be entered into a school competition", "staff and students...able to meet...Nick Hornby", "Nick will be talking about his new novel for teenagers called Slam" The school's latest attempt to get kids reading, and they're promoting Nick Hornby's new book with the title Slam, a word supposed to appeal to its demographic.

The Learning Support Centre "currently studying students' attainment levels and conducting tests", "those...experiencing difficulties...may be placed on Success Maker" If kids are getting a bit thick, TMHS will put them in the euphemistically named "Success Maker" where they will be lined up and shot take part in a computerised learning system.

That's all from the Autumn Term newsletter. As usual, it had several mistakes in it, but nothing too major. Apart from this quote:

95% of parents of Year 7 students felt that the school had lived up to expectations, and 17% said that the school had exceeded their expectations

Does that mean 112% participated in the survey? More likely is that's it's 17% of all the parents, but it's not made especially clear...

RAG - It's Traffic Lights, TMHS Style

Traffic light systems seem to be assaulting Temple Moor and not letting go. They're used for many things now (soon, reports home will be coloured cards, we reckon) but they're not traffic lights now. In assembly for Year 11s, a teacher called the traffic light system for attendance "RAG".

At first, his audience thought he was going mad, but no. RAG stands for "Red, Amber, Green". Instead of the simple-to-understand concept of traffic lights, the school's given it a wholly unnecessary acronym that will need explaining.

And why have they done this? It's blatantly obvious they've stolen the idea from traffic lights, they don't need to badly conceal it. Perhaps they realised traffic lights were over-used in Temple Moor and tried to still use them, but change the name. It's not even necessary. Anyone with half a brain can figure out that attendance above 95% is good. Or is the school's system of infinite monkeys on typewriters unable to decode percentages and only works in colours?

Curse #3: New Headteacher

Is this Mr Fleetwood's fault?

The principal headmaster that replaced Mr Sherriff - is he a curse on the school? Mr Fleetwood arrived to fill the spot of headteacher, and he's done an alright job. Really. Apart from the unfortunate fact that he seems to be a jinx upon Temple Moor.

I can tell you're not convinced. So let's look at what's happened since Mr Fleetwood's inception as leader of the school - first posted by stryke in this post.

1. A fire, which destroyed a tree and a conservatory (see video, above)
2. A chlorine gas leak, which threatened many lives
3. A pupil's suicide (RIP)
4. Ambulances have arrived five times
5. Smoking has increased
6. Younger pupils openly exchanging drugs
7. BSF project fallen behind schedule by months

Now, we're not blaming him for these things, we're just saying they've all happened while he's been in charge. Perhaps he's a cursed being, perhaps it's karma getting its own back on him for something or maybe it's all a coincidence. Who knows...?

Who needs Nazi containment cells? We have Maths rooms.

The title should summarise this fairly well. Basically, this refers to several of our Maths rooms, including my own. As if the small windows, that are placed to high too comfortably see out of without being stood, didn't create enough of a prison-like atmosphere, the windows in the doors of Maths rooms are now being covered over with card or paper - completely cutting us off from the outside world. Every lesson in that room feels like I'm in a jail cell - and with a plateful of Algebra, fractions, and theorems sat before you, it doesn't get much more hellish.

But not only does it make you feel cut off, it also has very impractical implications. Our Mathematics teacher has claimed in the past not to just walk in without being asked, and has yelled at us many a time for it. But on many other occasions, he has asked us why we were waiting outside, and yelled at us for this too. So which does he want? I don't think even the Führer-esque teacher knows.

With the window now covered off, we cannot see if he or anyone else is in the room, and therefore are never sure which action to take. When we questionned why there was paper over the window - he yelled. Surprise Surprise.

And, if you need more reasons, how about that it's a severe fire and emergency hazard? Ah, Temple Moor stupidity never ceases to amaze.

Again With The Traffic Lights

The brains behind Temple Moor are now going to look at children's attendance records with a system based on traffic lights. Where did they get the idea? Possibly from the other implementations of traffic lights around the school. Currently, you can use traffic lights to:

• indicate whether you understand what's being going on in the lesson
  
• see how near your target grade you are
• take part in quizzes ("hold up green for A, yellow for B...")
• cross the road

And the idea of red, amber and green is being carried over into attendance.

Why? Are parents and their children so dim that they can't understand percentages, so must have "bad" numbers thrown at them in colours? And where does this leave the colour blind? You'll have to actually say "that's red" or whatever.

The idea of traffic lights seems to be so popular with Temple Moor that, no doubt, in years to come, Temple Moor will be using traffic light systems for positive discipline, the healthiness of school meals, your uniform and probably even your health (because regular attendance to the HYPS clinic will be compulsory).

The Great Kitchen Disaster of '07

Ah yes, yet another case of absolutely shameful goings on behind the scenes at the school. Yet this tale of woeful mishap wasn't based in the school offices. Today, it all occured within the school kitchen - which has fairly recently been totally remodelled.

The main cause of the disaster is unknown - but it is more than likely to involve a foolish lunchlady (woops, sorry, now known as a "lunchtime supervisory assistant") or severely botched ceiling work. The following is known - the kitchen was flooded, meaning no food could be provided - it was described, in the headteacher's own words, as "Contaminated water on the floors" - which, a specialist Foolish-to-English translator claims, means "Woops, some moron spilt a sewage pipe all over our brand new kitchen". Whether this is true remains to be seen, but all I know is that the school dealt with this disaster (which was likely caused by them solely) in a rather foolish manner.

By employing the cheapest and most incompetant drainage company to fix the problem, the school thought all their problems would be solved. But seriously - I've never seen a company drain a flooded dirty kitchen using a hosepipe before. But then, when the company is called Easaway (oh, how I cried upon reading that), and their slogan is 'we drain things', what can one come to expect?

The headteacher, of course, looked as pathetic as ever. Wearing a coat longer than himself, and sporting the classic 'I-have-no-idea-what-I'm-doing' look, he looked rather nervous as I, and another blogger from Templar Truths, questionned him on what had actually happened. But I suppose it's only the latest in a long line of disasters for the man who leads our school.

Below are a few other facts and events that have conspired since he joined us in January.

1. A huge fire, which also destroyed a tree and a neighbouring house's conservatory.
2. A Chlorine Spill that endangered thousands of lifes (caused by idiotic workers)
3. The suicide of a younger pupil at the school.
4. Ambulances were called into school no less than FIVE TIMES between him taking over as headteacher and the end of the school year in early July. (No ambulances were called in the earlier part of the school year, whilst Mr Sheriff was in charge)
5. Smoking has increased amongst students.
6. Younger pupils have been seen openly exchanging what appeared to be drugs just outside school premises. (Teachers, stood just feet away, said nothing.)
7. The school builing project has fallen vastly behind.

And those listed are just the more notable occurances.

Added to this, nicknamed the Great Kitchen Disaster of '07, one has to wonder - how has he kept his job?

The school dealt with this latest disaster ineptly, as always, but maybe we wouldn't have such bad luck without our current headteacher? If one believes in such things, could he perhaps be a jinx?

More information on the cause of the GKD as we get it.

Tackling "Night Before It's Due" Attitude

Just about everyone leaves homework until the night before it's due in. This means you do as little work as possible until absolute necessary - and sometimes, not even then. However, a certain teacher was shocked by this 'revelation' and has come up with a brilliant scheme.

The class will be given homework on Monday for Tuesday, forcing everyone to do the homework...the night before it's due. And if that won't curb this attitude to homework, what will? It's this sort of thinking that puts Temple Moor at the top of league tables.

"Footbawl"

This article, while going into cyberspace a bit late, is nevertheless, absolutely hilarious.

First let me give you some background information on this teacher:

• He speaks like a farmer
• He pronounces the word "Football" as "Footbawl"
• He doesn't know how to play rugby
  
• He is terminally stupid
  
• He has failed in life
  

The event in question happened on Wednesday last week, during a PE lesson with said PE teacher.

We were all changing in the sports hall changing room (funny place to change I know) and in comes this PE teacher. He then precedes to try to take the class register (a tedious if necessary event), but the results of this just happened to be too funny for words.

He spends about 10 minutes attempting to quiet us down (all the while being ridiculed by certain Templars for his infamous catchphrase of "Footbawl"), then he manages to get a moment of silence, so he precedes to start the register. No sooner has he started this than everyone starts laughing at him again.

In an attempt to regain control of us all (there was about 30-40 people in there) he tries reasoning. He says "Now I'm not going to try and start anything with you because most of you are twice my size." To which some legend cries out "DOWNSTAIRS!!". Manic laughter ensues.

After another 10 minutes of this (by this time we only had 25 minutes of the lesson left) he gets desperate. He starts to plead with us by saying "I get my recreation out of school, so I'm not bothered. We can sit here all day. I get my recreation out of school." to which another couple of legends start miming certain "actions" every time he said "I get my recreation outside school" (need i say more). Once again, hilarity ensued.

We finally managed to get out on to the "Footbawl" pitch with 15 minutes of the lesson left.

Mission Accomplished